Good evening to everyone. It’s been a pretty crazy fortnight and I have so much to share. Where do I start?
All CEOs need to present themselves in a good light and every once in a while have to make an appearance to represent their company. I am no different.
As CEO of Home, I had the honour of being invited to a weekend cruise aboard a Melbourne institution – the Lady Cutler. A mate of mine turned 30 – yes that’s right I have older friends – and naturally being the charismatic, and well-liked CEO that I am was invited by her among with 60 other guests.
Theme of the party was Spring Carnival, and with the races and fashion months just around the corner it was a good opportunity for me to paint the town red.
Of course, I couldn’t survive a day without my loyal employees John and Michele. Everyone knows a CEO is only as good as their employees, so tagged along they did on that cruise.
Speaking of Spring Carnival, Spring has arrived in Melbourne and I had the distinct opportunity to meet one of Australia’s most famous export, Miss Universe 2004 Jennifer Hawkins. As the ambassador of Myer, she often graces the Bourke Street store when a new collection is launched.
Just so happens my employee Michele had taken me out to Myer the day the new Spring/Summer collection was launched and Jennifer was ever so gracious, taking time out from her busy schedule to pose for photos with me. Present on that day too was Kris Smith – more famous within the international circle as the partner of Dannii Minogue – so it shows as CEO of Home I get all the accolades and everybody wants to rub shoulders with me.
*ahem* Only lovely CEOs and their lovely employees get to mingle with beautiful people. Jennifer Hawkins and Kris Smith were very accommodating, posing for photos with us. Jennifer didn’t mind me pulling her hair even through it was full of drool while Kris genuinely tried to strike up a conversation with us. Jennifer even autographed a picture of herself for my male employee John. How sweet of her! Aboard the Lady Cutler with our fancy Spring Carnival attire! My employees love dressing me up and I’m beginning to fill out those gorgeous attires really well as I’m 100% pure fat baby…I mean…CEO goodness! A strange girl who was about my size couldn’t keep her hands away from me throughout the entire cruise. Okay, she wasn’t really a stranger as I’ve known her my entire life but hello this is not a way to behave with a CEO. Whatever happened to public decorum!? This is me in the laundry basket. I’m clearly dirty so I’m next in the washing machine. Jokes aside, I’m able to sit up unassisted. Well, almost. My head no longer flops around and if the backing is secure I am able to sit upright for short moments before I slide back down. Nothing is safe from my mouth. Not even my employees’ hands. Such is the extent of my great CEO skills, I’m able to reach out and grab whatever my arms could reach. The introduction of solid food in my diet means I’m now growing not only length way, but side ways as well. When the solids run out, I grab the rubber spoon and chew on it, hoping it magically gives me more solids.
Perhaps I shall attribute the smell and texture of my poop to the playfulness of my female employee. Michele dunked my face into a cup of latte while out celebrating Father's Day with my male employee John. I don't get you people, what's so great about coffee? Yucks!
Solids also mean a different textured poop that rides up my back. My male employee John has more than once mentioned the need for a bio-hazard suit being worn while cleaning me.
All in all it’s been an extremely eventful fortnight. I’m developing into a brilliant CEO and I’m learning new things everyday with the assistance of my employees. I thoroughly enjoy special days out and I know I would be invited to more social gatherings in the future.
At the moment though, it’s back to work for me as all play and no work makes me look like I’m losing control of my business at Home!
See you next fortnight!
Editor’s Note: This is part 9 of the fortnightly series.
Episode 8: Settling And Growing
Episode 7: Bye Bye Singapore!
Episode 6: Live From Singapore!
Episode 5: Lessons In Life
Episode 4 : World Cup Fever!
Episode 3: Discovering Myself
Episode 2: I’m Two Months Old!
Episode 1: The First 40 Days