Singaporean husband requires "outing permit" to meet friends!
An “outing permit” form has been circulating around the Internet that allows husbands to request for time off to spend with their male friends. While seen as a playful joke to some, it definitely raises serious questions about the importance of trust and commitment in marriages.
The too-hilarious-to-be-true ‘outing permit’ form is addressed to the “Supreme Home Minister”, which we’re pretty sure refers to the wife, and has blanks for husbands to fill in the details of their outing, like the date, time and location.
An outing permit for partners?
The comprehensive form lists the reason for the outing, “to keep in touch with guys and share our stories (no ogling at girls)” and even lists the activity that will be taking place, “having tea, teh tarik or drinks with the guys.”
This controversial form is more reminiscent of the permission slips that school children take home for their parents to sign for school excursions, rather than one a husband would have to submit to a wife, or vice versa.
Perhaps it’s only redeeming quality is the fact that the form ends off on a sweet note, with a proclamation of the husband’s love for his wife and a promise to fulfill her desires: “Honey, I will take you anywhere and buy anything you want during the weekend. I love you.”
Trust in a marriage
Although the authenticity of this “outing permit” can’t be confirmed, it does raise questions about the importance of communication and trust in a relationship.
Is this really necessary for two mature adults who have taken a vow to each other? Isn’t one of the main pillars of marriage trust?
Or has the wife in this situation been driven to desperate measures due to her husband’s past indiscretions?
While we don’t have the answer to that last question, it is no mystery that a marriage in which both partners trust each other would be much more functional than one that requires paperwork for every outing.
Here are some guidelines to follow if you want to build trust in your marriage.
Refrain from giving your spouse a reason not to trust you by being unreliable. If you say you’re going to be home at a certain time, then be there, or else call in advance to explain why you’ll be late.
It doesn’t take much effort and it saves your spouse from worrying about your whereabouts.
Put the past behind you
If you’ve previously been in a relationship in which your partner was unfaithful to you, learn to put your fears and insecurities of being betrayed aside, instead of making your spouse “pay for the sins of your ex”.
If your spouse has cheated on you in the past, and you’ve chosen to forgive them and take them back, then you need to stand by your decision and refrain from bringing up their infidelities every time you have a fight.
It’s part of human nature to feel jealous and upset when the object of affection seems to be focused on someone else.
External parties, like a flirty secretary or a persistent ex-boyfriend, may seem threatening to your spouse. Instead of brushing off their fears, try to limit interaction with people like these, for the sake of your spouse’s peace of mind.
Don’t keep secrets
In a marriage, communication is key so don’t keep anything from your spouse that you wouldn’t want them to keep from you. Try to adopt an honest and open communication style in your marriage.
Furthermore, hoarding secrets will only make you look guiltier if your spouse wrongfully suspects you of indiscretion in the future, so keep your closets clean!
What do you think of this “outing permit”? Please share your opinions with us in this poll.
Some sentiments from The Asian Parent’s Facebook page:
Sheela Jayaraj: Thank God my hub doesnt need it as he just loves being at home with the family!
Clara Lin: LOL what a joke. I have to request for MY OUTING from my husband. Not the other way round.
Jamel Krishnan: If there’s trust in the marriage, why the need to ask for permission? Maybe it’s for convenience – to see if the other party has any other appointments or whose gonna be home to man the fort – or perhaps courtesy – letting the other know where you’re going or who you’re with. But truly, when you’re married, shouldn’t the other be seen as your equal?
GeraWill Tang: Can we mums take it too while we ‘dump’ our kids w him?