Options when you can’t have a child

Options when you can’t have a child

Your doctor finally tells you and your husband that you can’t bear a child due to medical and biological reasons. Would you totally give up hope? Is there really no other solution in having a child? Yes, there is still hope for fertility-challenged couples. Here are four options you can consider.

Options when you cannot conceive

A child is a blessing from heaven and many women are fulfilled when they have a child. But what happens when you've tried every method to conceive recommended in every article or book.

You have undergone In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and other fertility treatments. Yet, your efforts have been unproductive. Instead, you’re left with shattered hopes and dreams of having a child of your own.

When your doctor finally tells you and your husband that you can’t bear a child due to medical and biological reasons, would you totally give up hope?  Is there really no other solution in having a child?

There is a saying which goes: “While there is still life, there is still hope.” So, if you are still hoping to have a child, here are 4 options for you to consider.

1. Adopting a child

If there are countless couples who want to have a child but cannot biologically have their own, there are also countless children who have been abandoned by their biological parents and who need a family to care for them.  So child adoption may be the best option for you to have a complete family of your own.

You can adopt a baby whose mother or parents has abandoned him or her. You can also adopt a young child whose parents are already dead. It can be a child of one of your relatives or friends. Adoption may be very expensive but it is really worth the try to have a child whom you can love and care for as your own. The eligibility requirements can be found in the article “Eligibility to Adopt in Singapore”.

If you want to adopt a child who is born in another country, go through the checklist in this article: Adoption for a child born in another country. For more information about the adoption process,  you can visit the different organizations and agencies which can help you. They are listed in this link.

2. Becoming a foster parent

Foster parenting means becoming a parent temporarily to a child or children whose parents abandoned or abused them or whose parents are unable to care for them because of financial incapability or sickness. You can be a foster care for a few days, weeks, months or years. During the time that a foster child is with you, you need to provide for all the needs of the child and care and love him or her as your own.

As of January 2011, there are 324 foster children  who are cared for by only 197 foster families according to the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS). Thus, the government agency is actively recruiting and  selecting families to care for foster children and are increasing the allowance for families who take in foster children. To know more about becoming a foster parent, read this article.

Options when you can’t have a child

3. Finding a surrogate mother

This can be another alternative to adoption which gives you the chance to become biological parents to a child through a surrogate mother. However, surrogacy motherhood is illegal in Singapore as discussed in the article “Wombs for Rent”. So, this is something for you to consider if you do not reside in Singapore.

4. Enjoying life with your spouse

If none of the first 3 options work and you’re left childless with your husband or wife, don’t despair.  You can go on living your life happily as a couple because you can focus on your life’s goals as well as interests together.

a. Help a charitable institution or an orphanage. There is satisfaction and fulfilment when you are able to help a charitable institution or orphanage  especially if you have the financial capability to do so. How great it can be to see the happy faces of people or children whose needs have been met because of your help.

b. Focus on your life goals. If you and your spouse has big long-term goals, then focus on them so they come to reality. You can build up a big company or you can travel around the world if you want. Do something great for others and for the world as your contribution or legacy.

c. Pursue your interests. If you and your spuse are both interested in a common interest then pursue it whether it is in sport, fitness, visual arts, performing arts and others. When you do and enjoy things together, you won’t even think that you do not have a child.

Loving and caring for a child is a great fulfilment because it makes any man a father or any woman a mother whether temporarily or permanently. However, you can still be happy and fulfilled even if you’re not given a chance. Anyway, happiness is still a choice.

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Written by

Karen Mira

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