Dental surgeon Melanie Chan (name changed), 32, has been married to her college sweetheart for over nine years. Although she describes her relationship as ‘wonderful,’ she says there is one problem: the idea of wife sharing. “My husband wants to share me sexually,” she wrote, looking for answers.

In her letter, Chan says that after one whole year of persuasion, she finally caved. “I decided to have sex with our common college friend. It wasn’t special at all, but my husband was turned on by it. I try to understand this, but I fail to,” Chan writes.

“Weirdly enough, this didn’t stop there. We even had a swapping episode with another couple. I thought this would be the end. But he asked to persuade another friend of ours just months after this. I reluctantly did,” says Chan who has two kids with her husband. She says that she is unable to understand why her husband wants to share her sexually.

“If it wasn’t for my kids, I would’ve left. I don’t see how my husband’s desire to share me sexually is ‘normal.’ I want him to stop. What should I do?” she writes.

Share Me Sexually: Why Wife Sharing Is a Man’s Problem!

Watching their wives sleep with other men can also arouse some men. | Image Source: iStock

Chan’s case is a classic wife-sharing article. Even though this practice often points at the wife’s sexuality, in reality, it is likely to be all about a husband’s (in some cases, perverse) desire.

In most cases, wives face scenarios like, “my husband wants me to sleep with another man,” or “my husband wants me to flirt with other guys.”

They don’t try to persuade their husbands to let them have sex with other men. Nor do they ask their husbands to choose another woman to share their bed with. This is because such acts can destroy a marriage.

However, it doesn’t mean this cannot happen. A fiercely independent woman can desire to be with another man, while married to one.

What is wife sharing to begin with?

In recent years, the term “wife sharing” has gained attention and sparked controversy within many social circles. This practice, also known as “cuckolding,” involves consensually sharing one’s spouse with another person for sexual pleasure.

While this may seem like a taboo subject, it has become a popular topic of discussion and debate. Some view it as a form of open-mindedness and exploration, while others see it as a betrayal of traditional monogamous values.

With the rise of the internet and social media, the concept of wife sharing has become more accessible and prevalent, leading many to question its morality and impact on relationships.

So then why do couples indulge in wife sharing?

The answer could very well lie in how a woman is coerced into this practice, her husband’s motivation to watch his wife with another man, and the factors that drive this motivation.

If you are also in Chan’s position, this article is here to help you understand why this happens. Let’s begin with why a man would want to convince his wife to participate in this act.

1. To Fulfil Voyeuristic Desires

Many men use pornography to satisfy their voyeuristic desires. So if they use this as a way to spice up their sexual lives, it is possible that they also consider wife-sharing as normal. Furthermore, this wife-sharing article aims to highlight the hidden desires that most couples share.

Initially, the desire evolves from watching themselves in the mirror to taping the act on camera. It then leads to watching their wives have sex with another man.

Even though a man might find his wife attractive, watching her with another man gives him voyeuristic pleasure just as it does when he is watching a pornographic film. Only in this situation, is he watching his wife.

This voyeuristic desire could very well be one of the biggest motivators to share a wife sexually.

2. To Prove Manhood

Like your typical wife-sharing article, we need to discuss a man’s tendency to prove their manhood. Watching their wives sleep with other men can also arouse some men.

Author Christopher Ryan even suggests that the biological response to watching one’s wife with somebody else triggers the male sexual drive.

This prompts them to better their own sexual lives within their marriages. Many might even have a reduced refractory window. This means that they ejaculate faster and within a shorter period of time.

3. To Try the Thrill of a Taboo

Many husbands persuade their wives to engage in this activity just to experience the thrill. Society often stigmatises an unfaithful husband or wife.

Historically, when a wife is unfaithful, their husband is often regarded as less manly. In most cases, people mock them for engaging in an extramarital affair.

But for some men, the thrill of trying something that is ‘forbidden’ or taboo is something to be desired. For a more consensual alternative, some couples aim to learn how to become a swinger. This prevents them from feeling guilty about fulfilling their hidden desires.

4. To Engage in Bisexual Desires

In many cases, male bisexuality is the reason behind wife-sharing. He might not be able to come clean about it, but he might want to enjoy it both ways. Most of this stems from insecurity.

Incidentally, wife-sharing is not just restricted to watching you with another man. It is possible that your husband wants to experience a threesome.

If a man is seen as anything but heterosexual, it can ruin his reputation. But behind closed doors, he can coerce his wife to fulfil his deepest fantasy. So if you’re often wondering “Why does my husband want to share me sexually?” this could be it.

My husband wants me to sleep with another man. | Image Source: iStock

5. To Hide Shortcomings in Bed

In some cases, the husband convinces his wife to sleep with somebody else because he cannot satisfy her. This could be because of an underlying health issue, impotence, age or other health complications.

Such men might feel more for their wife’s loss of sexual satisfaction than the wives themselves. Prompted by this emotion, they might be willing to share their wives sexually with another man.

6. To Enjoy Masochism

In the early 19th century, Austrian writer and journalist Leopold von Sacher-Masoch became famous for his books on sexual flagellation. He wrote extensively about female dominance in the bedroom.

Although at the time the concept was too extreme, today many men use masochism as the motivation for sharing their wives sexually.

The idea of watching their wives dominating other men and belittling them for pleasure can be thrilling. Situations like, “my husband wants me to sleep with another man,” sometimes involve play. Though it may be rare, some husbands want to experience being controlled by their wives in bed.

On other hand, couples who want to experience being with other people in bed either want a cuckold or an orgy. The former involved watching your partner with a stranger while the latter is being with multiple persons at one time.

7. To Make Some Cash

All over the world, men enjoy the luxuries that are bought by their partner’s sexual exploits. On some occasions, people relate this to becoming a swinger or a gigolo.

While this may not be the primary motivator, it can become a factor to continue this foul play. Moreover, this promotes the misconception of how to become a swinger. In truth, this act works more like finding partners for a threesome or an orgy.

Sometimes men use wife-sharing as a tool to blackmail either the wife or the men they sleep with. Either way, this is a horrific thing to do. Unfortunately, it is very much prevalent in many parts of the world.

8. To Enjoy Misogyny

One of the reasons why your husband may be keen on sharing you is because he wants to belittle you. It usually follows the scenario, “My husband wants me to flirt with other guys so he can use it against me.”

Misogyny is sadly one of the biggest motivators. And if you’re often wondering, “Why does my husband want to share me sexually?” you might want to check the way he treats you.

You are perhaps giving him the freedom to degrade you by indulging in wife-sharing. Many such men want to humiliate their wives and that is proof enough of a deteriorating marriage.

Just as these aforementioned reasons explain why husbands enjoy wife-sharing, there are some reasons why a woman might enjoy it too. Let’s take a look at her perspective as well.

Wife Sharing: “Share Me Sexually, Because I Want To!”

Messy bed after an eventful night. | Image Source: iStock

In some cases, your husband simply enjoys sharing his wife with other men. In others, the wife enjoys the company of other men. Meanwhile, these opportunities often offer new experiences like, “my husband wants to sleep with another man.”

Why wife sharing happen?

1. To Prove Female Independence

When the wife wants to prove her sexual independence, she can convince her husband to share her sexually. Some couples love to embrace this concept and readily agree to threesomes and wife-swapping as well.

Such husbands enjoy their wives’ increased assertiveness, sexual desire as well as independence and confidence. Some couples also find this thrilling as it takes on a patriarchal society.

2. To Have Female Sexual Fulfilment

Sometimes a wife might convince her husband to share her sexually so she can satisfy herself better. It doesn’t necessarily mean she is not satisfied with her husband. But it means that she wants to try something new to spice up her own marriage.

Some women can be highly sexual beings, which is not unnatural. And the act of wife-sharing gives them a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction, which of course their husband clearly agrees with.

A common fear that sometimes turns into fantasy is catching the partner with somebody else. Some people translate that into reality, while others call it taboo. The point is that this happens quite often behind closed doors. But it brings out the quintessential issues in a marriage.

Sharing one’s partner might not be the best solution to resolve marital issues. So if you’re often wondering “Why does my husband want to share me sexually?” perhaps you may want to look deeper inside your marriage.

Wife Sharing, Is It Okay? It Should Have Consent.

Understanding the ethics of wife sharing

To understand the ethics of wife sharing, it is important to consider the perspectives of all parties involved. While some individuals may view it as a way to spice up their sex life and explore their sexuality, others may feel uncomfortable and see it as a form of infidelity.

Additionally, the impact on the primary relationship and the emotional well-being of all parties must also be taken into consideration. Ultimately, the ethics of wife sharing depends on the individuals involved and their boundaries, communication, and mutual respect.

It is crucial for all parties to have a clear understanding of their desires, boundaries, and potential consequences before engaging in this practice.

Consent and communication in open relationships

While wife sharing may be a consensual and agreed-upon practice in some open relationships, it is essential to recognise the importance of consent and communication in any type of non-monogamous arrangement.

Open relationships require a high level of trust and communication between all parties involved, and this is especially true when it comes to introducing a third person into the dynamic.

Consent must be obtained from all individuals involved in the open relationship, including the primary partners and the potential third party. This means that all parties must actively and willingly agree to participate in wife sharing, and they must also have a thorough understanding of the boundaries and expectations within the arrangement.

Open and honest communication is crucial in navigating the complexities of wife sharing, as it allows for the establishment of clear boundaries, ongoing consent, and addressing any potential issues that may arise.

Without proper consent and communication, wife sharing can potentially lead to hurt feelings, mistrust, and harm to the primary relationship.

Therefore, it is crucial for all parties involved to prioritise consent and communication in any type of open relationship, including wife sharing.

Exploring the boundaries of non-monogamy

Non-monogamy has become a topic of increasing interest and discussion in recent years. As more individuals explore alternative forms of relationships, the boundaries of traditional monogamy are being challenged and expanded.

One such aspect of non-monogamy that has garnered attention is wife sharing. This practice involves consensual sexual interactions between individuals who are not in a traditional monogamous relationship, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved.

Exploring the boundaries of non-monogamy, particularly wife sharing, requires a deep understanding and respect for the principles of consent and communication.

This means actively discussing and negotiating boundaries, expectations, and desires with all parties involved. It also involves ongoing communication and checking in to ensure that everyone is comfortable and happy with the arrangement.

By prioritising consent and communication, the boundaries of non-monogamy can be explored in a respectful and ethical manner, allowing for fulfilling and consensual experiences for all involved.

Navigating societal judgments and expectations

While these alternative forms of relationships may be gaining more acceptance, there are still societal expectations and judgments that can make it difficult for individuals to openly and confidently engage in these practices.

It is important for those involved in non-monogamous relationships to have open and honest communication with each other, as well as a strong understanding and respect for each other’s boundaries, in order to navigate and overcome these societal pressures.

Successfully navigating societal judgments and expectations in non-monogamous relationships also requires a level of self-awareness and confidence.

As individuals, we often internalise societal norms and expectations, which can create feelings of guilt or shame when going against them.

This can be especially true when it comes to non-monogamous relationships, as society often places a high value on monogamy and traditional marriage. It is important for individuals to recognise and challenge these internalised beliefs, and to prioritise their own happiness and well-being above societal expectations.

By doing so, they can confidently navigate these societal pressures and find fulfilment in their non-monogamous relationships.

Making informed decisions about relationships

In any relationship, making informed decisions is crucial for the well-being and happiness of all parties involved. This is especially true in non-monogamous relationships, such as wife sharing, where societal norms and expectations may not align with the dynamics of the relationship.

In order to navigate these complexities, it is important to have open and honest communication with all partners involved. This means discussing boundaries, expectations, and concerns in a respectful and non-judgmental manner.

It is also essential to have a strong sense of self-awareness and understand your own needs and desires in the relationship.

By prioritising effective communication and self-awareness, individuals can make informed decisions about their relationships, regardless of societal judgments and expectations.

Psychology Today

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