When Married Couples Stop Having Sex
What happens if sex disappears from your marriage? Many relationships end due to this fundamental lack of intimacy. However, no sex isn’t always doom and gloom. Find out more about sex problems in marriage.
How important is marital sex? For most, very. Of course some couples can have a successful celibate marriage. However, for most, sex is part of the very foundation of marriage.
These kind of problems in marriage can eventually lead to divorce.
Mr Koh, a relationship psychiatrist, told Divaasia: “Sex can be used as a type of bonding, a way for a couple to appreciate each other and make one another feel good. It reminds couples that they are a pair and to focus on something other than themselves."
Who is at fault?
Sometimes, the man just wants more and the woman just wants less. This is a stereotype, but it might be true. A man is biologically wired to crave it more than women. Experts also believe that males are more emotionally affected by sex and tend to express their feelings through actions rather than words.
Take this Woody Allen scene about sex problems in marriage:
A therapist asks the couple how often they have sex. The male replies: “Hardly ever, maybe three times week”. The female answers the same question by saying: “Constantly! I’d say three times a week”.
Marital sex problems in marriage aren’t always like this. Men don’t always want sex more than their partners. Sometimes it’s the other way around, and sometimes both have no appetite for marital sex.
Whoever’s fault it is, sometimes the sex just stops.
Why does marital sex stop?
The most common reason cited by couples for a lack of marital sex, is other distractions. As couples take on more responsibility, such as spending time with their kids or putting more hours in at work, sex becomes neglected. Here are the main causes for marital sex declining or stopping.
Taking on the responsibility of children.
- Having less time due to doing more hours at work to support your family.
- Lack of energy due to work/raising children
- Loss of libido after pregnancy
- Sexual problems for men, such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
How marital sex can hold a couple together
When one side doesn’t want sex, the other side may become frustrated, feel rejected and neglected. They may question whether their partner is attracted to them or become suspicious that they are cheating.
These feelings are justified too. Often a lack of sex does represent other serious problems in marriage, such as a loss of affection and love. When couples drift apart physically, they can drift apart emotionally too.
What should I do?
To inject some passion back into your marriage, we suggest you take note from our special articles on this subject. You can find them here:
Couples who experience long term sexual problems in marriage should also consider seeing a specialist, such as a relationship counsellor or a therapist. When it could save your marriage – it’s worth it.
When marital sex becomes impossible
Some couples come to a conclusion that they don’t need marital sex to maintain a successful relationship. No sex doesn't necessarily mean unhappiness. However, in these special cases, other things are used to keep the relationship fresh and avoid other problems in marriage.
Having a greater emphasis on companionship can keeps couples together. This is done by sharing hobbies and interests, improved communication, and affectionate body language - such as holding hands and hugging.