Do Parents Really Play Favorites? Playing favorites between children is something most parents don’t like to admit. But whether intentional or not, many kids feel the effects. Research suggests that birth order, personality, and even gender can influence how parents interact with each child.
A study published by the American Psychological Association found that younger siblings often receive more favorable treatment. Older siblings, on the other hand, are usually given more independence and less parental control. Interestingly, parents tend to favor daughters slightly more than sons, though only they recognize the bias.
How Favoritism Affects Children

Sibling rivalry is natural, but playing favorites between children can make it worse. When one child feels less favored, it can impact their self-esteem, behavior, and emotional well-being. But did you know that even the favored child can face challenges? They might develop a strong need for approval, which can affect their confidence in future relationships.
Emotional Impact on Children
Research shows that children who feel less favored may struggle with mental health and even act out at home or school. Favored children, while sometimes enjoying more resources and attention, can become overly dependent on parental validation. These patterns can follow children into adulthood, affecting their personal and professional relationships.
The Impact on Sibling Relationships
Favoritism doesn’t just affect children individually—it also changes how siblings interact. Studies indicate that favoritism can lead to:
- More sibling tension and rivalry
- Less warmth and closeness between siblings
- Long-term resentment due to a sense of unfairness
Even if parents don’t realize they are playing favorites between children, kids often do. Over time, these feelings can create deep rifts between siblings.
How Parents Can Prevent Favoritism
The good news is that parents can take steps to ensure all their children feel equally valued. Awareness is key. No parent is perfect, but small changes can make a big difference in strengthening family bonds.
Practical Tips for Parents
- Be mindful of your interactions: Take a moment to reflect on how you treat each child.
- Fairness over equality: Treat children based on their unique needs rather than giving them identical treatment.
- Spend quality time: One-on-one time with each child can help them feel loved and valued.
- Listen to your kids: If they express concerns about favoritism, take their feelings seriously and make adjustments.
Final Thoughts
Parenting is complex, and every child is different. Playing favorites between children, even unintentionally, can leave lasting effects. However, by being mindful, open, and intentional with how we treat our children, we can create a loving and supportive environment for all. Recognizing each child’s unique qualities and needs is the key to building strong, happy family relationships.
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