The idea of overpraising children often sparks debates among parents. Are we giving too much praise? Or are we just encouraging our kids to feel confident? While praise is essential for children’s growth, too much of it—or using it the wrong way—can do more harm than good.
Let’s explore what overpraise really means and how we can balance our words to help our children thrive.
Why Overpraising Children Can Be Harmful
As parents, we want to build our children’s confidence. Praising them seems like the perfect way to do that. But when children are overpraised, it can have unintended consequences.
Here’s why overpraise might not always work:
- It reduces motivation. Constantly hearing, “You’re amazing!” without real effort behind it may teach children to seek approval instead of results.
- It discourages hard work. If kids are praised no matter what, they might not see the value of pushing themselves.
- It creates fear of failure. When children are always told they’re the best, they may avoid risks to protect their “perfect” image.
For example, giving trophies for participation or saying, “You’re so talented!” without recognising effort might lead children to rely on praise rather than develop internal motivation.
Why Praise Matters
Even though overpraising children has its downsides, withholding praise entirely isn’t the answer. Children need positive reinforcement to feel supported and valued. The key is to make praise meaningful and focus on their efforts rather than their abilities.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research highlights the importance of fostering a growth mindset. This mindset encourages children to see challenges as opportunities to improve rather than as tests of their abilities.
In contrast, praising fixed traits like intelligence can foster a fixed mindset. Children with a fixed mindset may feel anxious about failure and avoid challenges altogether.
To promote a growth mindset:
- Praise effort and persistence over results.
- Celebrate progress, no matter how small.
- Show appreciation for their problem-solving and determination.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “You worked really hard on that project—it shows!” This encourages children to value their efforts and keep trying.
The Importance of Balanced Praise
While the issue of overpraising children raises valid concerns, excessive criticism is often more damaging. Many children lose confidence because they’re criticised too much and encouraged too little.
Balanced praise reassures children that their hard work matters. It helps them feel motivated to keep trying, especially when they face challenges.
Children naturally look to their parents and teachers for validation. A heartfelt “Good job!” or a warm smile can boost their confidence. Without enough positive reinforcement, children may feel neglected, discouraged, or turn to unhealthy ways of seeking attention.
Avoiding the “Praise Junkie” Problem
Some experts worry that overpraising children could turn them into “praise junkies.” These are kids who constantly seek external approval instead of developing their own sense of accomplishment.
To avoid this:
- Be specific. Replace general praise with comments like, “Your handwriting has improved so much—you’ve been practising, haven’t you?”
- Offer constructive feedback. Alongside praise, give tips to help them grow.
- Encourage self-reflection. Ask questions like, “How do you feel about the effort you put into this?”
By being thoughtful, praise can inspire independence rather than dependency.
Final Thoughts
The idea of overpraising children reminds us to use praise wisely. Children need encouragement, but the focus should always be on their effort and growth.
By offering meaningful praise, we can help our children build confidence, take on challenges, and grow into resilient, motivated individuals. Let’s celebrate their hard work in ways that truly make a difference.
ALSO READ:
The Art of Praising Children: Boosting Motivation and Positive Behavior
Ways To Help Your Children Develop Healthy Self-esteem
Always Praising Your Child May Harm Them—Here’s Why
