Praise is a powerful tool in parenting that can positively and negatively affect children. While it can boost their self-esteem and motivation, it can also lead to negative outcomes if not used wisely. In this article, we will explore the effects of praise based on scientific research and provide seven evidence-based tips for using praise effectively.
Praising Children Across Cultures
In traditional cultures across the globe, parents used to refrain from giving praise. They were concerned that excessive praise would inflate their children’s egos and make them overly confident. However, attitudes have changed today, and many people believe that praise is an effective way to reinforce positive behavior.
What does scientific research say about this?
Brain studies have shown that we respond to social approval similarly to how we respond to receiving money. Praise makes us feel good, and certain types of praise can have beneficial outcomes.
The Positive Effects of Praise
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1. Boosting Positive Emotions and Motivation
For instance, experiments indicate that children can benefit from general, cheerful messages. An enthusiastic exclamation like “Wow!” or a supportive gesture like a high five can create positive emotions. It can also motivate children to try again after experiencing failure.
Similarly, there is evidence that praising a child’s process or effort can be motivating. Process praise acknowledges a child’s choices or hard work, such as saying “Well done!” or “I like the way you tried to sound out that word instead of giving up.”
When done correctly, this kind of praise can inspire children to persist with challenging tasks. Process praise also nurtures a crucial mindset for success—the belief that we can improve through effort. Experiments have shown that we learn better when we embrace this belief.
2. Developing Prosocial Behavior
Some indications praising children for their prosocial behavior can help them develop good social skills.
For example, when you encourage and praise a baby for being helpful, such as by saying, “Look! Maria dropped something. Can you help her?” and “Thank you! You’re such a good helper!”, it can lead to more frequent acts of helping.
In an experiment involving 13- to 18-month-old infants, those who received this type of feedback were twice as likely to offer assistance compared to children who did not receive such guidance. Furthermore, there is evidence that older children, particularly preschoolers, develop better social skills when praised for displaying good manners.
The Potential Negative Effects of Praise
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However, praise is not always beneficial. Studies suggest that certain types of praise can undermine a child’s motivation.
Depending on the circumstances, praise can also harm a child’s self-esteem or contribute to the development of narcissism. Additionally, some children dislike receiving praise. They may feel uncomfortable with the attention, embarrassed, or believe that the praise is undeserved or insincere.
So, how can we avoid the negative effects of praise and ensure that we use it wisely?
Here are some evidence-based guidelines.
Strategies for Praising Children Effectively
1. Provide Support and Encouragement
Offer support and encouragement to your child consistently, not just when they accomplish something praiseworthy. Focus on the overall warmth and supportiveness of your family relationships.
2. Avoid Insincere Praise
Be genuine in your praise to avoid triggering negative feelings or making children perceive praise as manipulative. Insincere praise can undermine its positive effects.
3. Steer Clear of Extreme Praise
Be cautious about using exaggerated, over-the-top praise that sets unrealistically high standards. It can lead to performance anxiety and discourage children from taking on new challenges.
4. Avoid Praise for Easy Tasks
Refrain from praising children for tasks that come easily to them. Instead, encourage them to embrace challenges and put effort into their endeavors. Praising innate abilities can hinder their motivation and resilience.
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5. Focus on Effort and Strategies
Rather than praising children for their intelligence or talent, focus on praising their effort, hard work, and effective strategies. This helps develop a growth mindset and encourages them to believe in their ability to improve.
6. Be Mindful of Over-Praising Enjoyable Activities
While praising children for activities they enjoy is okay, be careful not to excessively praise them. Over-praise can diminish their intrinsic motivation and make them view the activity as a chore rather than a pleasure.
7. Avoid Social Comparison Praise
Refrain from comparing your child to others in your praise. Social-comparison praise can create a focus on competition rather than mastery and may undermine intrinsic motivation. Instead, praise children for their achievements and progress.
Praising Children The Right Way
Praise can be a valuable tool in parenting when used wisely. Parents can optimize its benefits and avoid potential pitfalls by understanding the effects of praise based on scientific research. Remember to provide consistent support and encouragement, avoid insincere or extreme praise, recognize effort, promote intrinsic motivation, and avoid social-comparison praise. By following these evidence-based guidelines, parents can use praise effectively and foster their children’s growth and development.
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