Hello readers, welcome back.
Allow me to share my private thoughts with you today. You see, I’m feeling a little uninspired this week. Since returning from Singapore just over a month ago, I have been putting in a monumental amount of hours just to catch up on all my work. Who would have thought going away for a holiday means more work upon returning? That’s absolutely unacceptable! As CEO of Home I will make changes to streamline the work efforts so ultimately I will do ZERO work while my underpaid and overworked cronies do ALL the work.
Speaking of cronies, my two loyal employees John and Michele have admirably took it upon themselves to assist me in my CEO duties. I know what you are thinking – what kind of work am I doing?
Well let’s see. My brain is molding and shaping itself each day while taking in all the new sights and sounds. This means I’m learning things quickly (mostly cheeky things), much to the chagrin of my employees. I have also discovered my hands and how I could reach out and grab things with them. Above all else, everything has one destination: my mouth. Anything I could get my hands on goes straight into my mouth. Nom-nom-nom…tasty…
Everything happened so quickly. Three weeks ago I still wasn’t capable of reaching out to grasp at objects; I would just lay flat on my play gym and look happily around me with my arms by my side. Overnight, the Bogey Man came out from under my bed and attempted to frighten me. However he had underestimated the power of my screaming cries at 3 a.m. As he huddled in the corner of the bedroom in fear, I found strength in my arms to beat him back to where he came from. I have never seen him since, and that was how I discovered use of my hands.
No seriously, that wasn’t my imagination. I’m not irrational…wait what?
Back in Melbourne! Back to winter! Back to funky winter body suits!
Upon returning to Melbourne, one of the first things my employees commenced to prop me on to was the Bumbo Seat. It’s been a month but I’m still warming to it; I’m happy to remain in there for ten minutes but anything more…get me out of this bum-shaping chair!
I’m strong enough to lift my head for long periods of time. While lying on my front, I enjoy looking at my own reflection…
Football is a religion in Home and my employees have started me young. Here I’m taught how to catch a rolling ball, and rolling it back. It’s fun!
I can’t thank my employees enough for all the work they have put in since returning from Singapore. Without them, I would not have been the successful CEO I am today. I cut such a fine figure and am the envy of all CEOs. Strangers and non-strangers alike can’t help but stop to chat with Michele or John when they are out with me.
Next time, I might try a cologne. My employee John has a penchant for Hugo Boss fragrances. Perhaps I should try it soon? That way I might start attracting the opposite sex, no?
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Editor’s Note: This is part 8 of the fortnightly series.
Episode 7: Bye Bye Singapore!
Episode 6: Live From Singapore!
Episode 5: Lessons In Life
Episode 4: World Cup Fever!
Episode 3: Discovering Myself
Episode 2: I’m Two Months Old!
Episode 1: The First 40 Days