How to connect deeply with the love of your life

How to connect deeply with the love of your life

How well do you know your spouse? Do you know his or her heartfelt desires and aspirations in life? Use these questions to get to know him or her better.


How well do you know your spouse? Do you know his or her heartfelt desires and aspirations in life? When you finally have some time to sit down with your spouse without the children around, do you still find yourselves talking about the issues your children face at school, the aluminium sliding door that needs fixing, the colleague you can't get along with, your credit card bills and a list of other "oh-so-unromantic" topics?

You share your life;why not share your thoughts

Your spouse is the person you share your innermost thoughts and feelings with. Over the years of being married, we all fall into a rut of familiarity and often take each other for granted. Why not start dating your spouse again? Check each other's calendars and pick a date that is mutually workable for both parties. Once a date has been fixed, don't let anything else take priority over this date.

You don't have to plan anything extravagant. It can just be an evening walk in the park or a night indoors without the tv switched on. The main thing is to steer off conversations that are "romance-busters" such as anything to do with the kids, house, job or money. "What does that leave me? I can't think of anything to talk about!" you ask.

Here are some simple conversation starters:

1) If you had a whole day to yourself without any commitments, what would you be doing?

2) If money wasn't an object, where would you like to go for a holiday?

3) What was your happiest childhood memory?

4) What made you sad this week?

5) If you were granted 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

6) What was your happiest moment this week?

7) Did you see, hear or read anything this week that really touched and moved you?

8 ) If you could redo or change something this week, what would it be?

For those of you who are already dating your spouse on a regular basis, these questions may seem too preliminary for you. You could then try the following more indepth questions. Remember, the aim here is to know and understand your spouse better and therefore, it shouldn't be an interrogation!

Indepth questions to ask

1) What do you think are my 3 greatest strengths as a person?

2) What are my 3 greatest weaknesses?

3) What can I do or say to make you feel loved?

4) What first caught your eye about me, during our courtship? Do you still feel the same way now?

5) When we are apart, what do you miss the most about me?

6) On a scale of 1 to 10, where do you think our marriage fare? And why did you choose that score for us?

7) What areas in our marriage have we mastered and are really doing well in?

8 ) What areas in our marriage needs improvement?

9) What is your greatest act of love for me?

10) In your opinion, what is my greatest act of love for you?

Some of these questions may bring about sensitive answers or comments which you may not be prepared for, depending on the health of your marriage. Take it slow if you are new to the idea of dating your spouse again. Keep to light hearted questions and save the "heavy" stuff for when you are more comfortable with each other on your dates. These questions are, of course, not carved in stone and you don't need to ask your spouse the entire list all in one date! That may prove to be too much to handle!

These are just conversation starters to allow both of you to enjoy your time together as a couple, rather than parents or partners in financial accountabilities. The main purpose for dating your spouse is to enjoy each other's company and to renew your love for each other. After all, marriage requires a lot of hard work and commitment. Both of you deserve to have some time off from all your duties and obligations and just relax and let your hair down.

Remember, you don't have to wait for Valentine's Day, birthdays or anniversaries before you can go on dates. Plan a date regularly, be it weekly, fortnightly or monthly, depending on your schedules. Be excited about the date, make an effort not to talk about the regular topics (remember the "romance-busters"?) and relive your early days of courtship through each and every date.

Make a date with your spouse! It's worth the effort!

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Written by

Jenny Toh

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