Maintaining intimacy after you have kids can be tough, especially when your apartment isn’t very big.
But is it alright to have sex in front of your baby? Are there boundaries you should set so you can have sexy time, or is it a no-go as long as kids are in the house?
Staying intimate is important for your marriage to flourish. But it’s challenging when there’s no one to take care of the kids and space is limited.
Let’s look at different scenarios if your child walks in on you while you’re getting it on and how you can make sex work, or whether it’s appropriate at all.
Intimacy in front of baby: yay or nay?
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Can I have sex if I co-sleep with my baby?
Many parents co-sleep with their babies.
However, you might feel in the mood after some physical contact with your spouse, intentional or not.
Educational expert Dr Michele Borba advises that if your baby is under six months, it’s unlikely there’ll be any issues to get intimate.
Tips: Follow your instinct—if it doesn’t feel right, move your baby to the cot or bassinet next to the bed.
However, if you’re not comfortable with doing the deed while your little one is in the room, go ahead and move your baby into a bassinet in a separate room before you enjoy the intimacy.
What if my child is a toddler?
Imagine your child is playing in the background, completely absorbed and content in whatever he/she is doing.
Then suddenly, passions flare and you’re making out. The next thing you know, clothes start coming off. Then you notice your little one looking at the pair of you.
The sight might be scary and confusing for your child, as it can look like daddy is hurting mummy.
Your little one is a learning sponge, absorbing everything he/she sees and hears. It’s hard to control how your child will interpret this at such a young age.
Also, it’s good to have space and keep intimacy as stress-free as possible.
Tips: If your little one is completely distracted, you and your partner could move to another room.
Alternatively, if your toddler is in a Pack N Play bassinet, you could move that into a different area that’s shielded from the noise.
Can I still do it if my preschooler climbs into my bed?
Sometimes kids climb into bed because of a nightmare or just want your company.
Unfortunately, it might happen while you guys are about to get intimate.
You shouldn’t be doing it when your preschooler is in bed with you. Having sex in front of children at this age affects your little one’s wellbeing. It’s difficult to explain what is happening and can cause irreparable harm for ten minutes of fun.
Tips: Wait until your little one is out, then move to another room and do it there.
Use a monitor to keep an eye on him/her as a pre-warning.
How about when my five-year-old wanders into my room?
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Even if your five-year-old had sleep training, kids often wake up in the middle of the night.
So it’s not unusual if you’ve tucked your kids into bed, head into your room and it starts getting hot and heavy.
Then suddenly, your child appears at the door and says “mummy, I heard loud noises!”
Since your child has no context for sex, he/she interprets what you guys were doing differently.
In fact, your little one might be scared.
If your child walks in on your mid-sex, face the situation head-on. Apologise that it surprised him/her and explain you were having private time with your spouse and reassure him/her that it’s nothing to be worried about.
Tip: Prevention is better than damage-limitation!
Put intimacy aside until later after you’re definitely sure the kids are asleep.
Consider investing in a large blanket to cover any private parts if your little one slips past your fail-safes and stumbles into your room in the middle of the night!
Could we get intimate if my kids host a sleepover?
It’s tempting to sneak a quick session in when your child’s friends are happily watching a film in the living room.
Although you might feel they’re distracted and out of sight, it’s better to be safe than sorry. After all, other people’s children are involved and not just your own.
Rein in those desires for another night. Maybe you could convince your little one to have someone else host the sleepover next time!
Tip: It’s advisable to avoid any type of sexual activity when your child has his/her friends around.
You can maintain intimacy through physical touch like holding hands or cuddling. But keep any hanky panky off-limits in case other people’s children accidentally see what they shouldn’t.
Things to bear in mind
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It’s generally advisable to avoid having sex in front of your kids when they are toddlers and older.
However, your desire for intimacy with your spouse will remain! Here are a few tips to have sex in different windows of opportunity where you won’t get caught!
Get creative when it’s sexy time
Instead of waiting until night time, why not try it during the day?
Schedule date night during lunchtime instead. The house is naturally empty because the kids are at school so there’s no risk of getting caught.
If you don’t work too far away from the house, agree to meet there for a saucy 30 minutes.
Use shower time
Having a shower can be an ideal time to sneak a quick session in.
Distract your children with toys or by watching TV.
Explain you’re going to have a shower and you’ll be out shortly.
Then, go wild and enjoy the steamy sex.
Remember to lock the door! You’ve already explained to your kids you’re going for a shower and set a time frame when you’ll be out.
Learn to be discreet
As good as it may be, discretion is the name of the game.
Keep it quiet whenever you’re having sex.
Try and stay covered as much as possible, especially if you’re not being intimate in bed.
Do you agree about intimacy in front of kids? Let us know in the comments below!
