Thinking deeply about the passive-aggressive nature of people can be confounding. Think of all the niceties we display to our co-workers, friends, strangers, etc. only to come home and project frustrations on the people for whom we care most–it’s a bit unfair, right?
Perhaps it’s because we grow comfortable with the ones we love, but in any case, it’s inexcusable. It’s time to nix that unjust treatment of your spouse! Be more considerate and thoughtful before spewing out insulting, rude, or harsh statements like the ones on this list!
When it comes down to it, you and your spouse are on the same team. Avoid saying these cruel, contemptuous statements to your partner and learn to be a more caring spouse:
1. “You’re acting just like your mother”
Husbands, take caution when saying these words. There are few scenarios in which you’d say this and it would be interpreted as a compliment.
Instead of making a passive-aggressive comment about your wife’s behaviour, try making an astute, well-thought-out observation about her behaviour. Identify exactly what she’s doing or saying that you don’t appreciate or like and discuss it with her.
Making backhanded comments about her behaviour as well as possibly insulting her mother is never a wise choice and it’s incredibly rude! Avoid this phrase at all costs, hubbies.
2. “Why can’t you be more [insert adjective]”
It’s true that people change for the better in a relationship, but they don’t change completely! Your husband or wife is who they are, and that’s why you fell in love with them in the first place.
I’m not suggesting that you have to endure the most toxic of behaviours, but exerting absurd amounts of energy asking to make your husband more “romantic” or complaining that your wife needs to be more “thoughtful” will get you nowhere.
Instead, try to set realistic expectations and try to address issues and behaviours. Then, together as a team, you can work to improve those traits. Use softer language when addressing the behaviours also. Don’t harshly criticise your spouse and create drama when softly articulating your thoughts will get you just as far.
3. “I HATE you”
Well, that escalated quickly. This is certainly one of the harshest things you can say to your spouse.
You definitely don’t hate your spouse. This is simply a cruel phrase that’s a powerful and significant recourse in a fight. However, it’s also an incredibly severe thing to hear and say. It’s very caustic and taxing on your spouse’s well-being and the relationship as a whole.
If you ever feel your blood boiling, and these words on the verge of surfacing, take a minute to calm down before speaking. This phrase is very damaging and is very inconsiderate. Avoid it all costs.
4. “I remember when you used to [insert verb]”
The past is the past and should remain the past for a better present and future.
Admittedly, you can use this particular phrase positively. For example, you can reminisce fondly on something pleasant with no harm done. However, this phrase can also come off as rude and unpleasant. As easy as this phrase can come off as cute or thankful for things from the past, it can also be interpreted as a slight at their present behaviour.
Instead of lamenting or snubbing their present state by rudely bringing up the past, try addressing a behaviour that you’d like to resurface in a positive way. Let them know what you liked about a certain activity or behaviour, and why you’d like to see more of that behaviour in the future. Just avoid being rude when discussing it.
5. “You’re such a jerk” or “You’re so stupid”
At this age and level of maturity, you should know that name-calling has no place in a relationship. Sometimes we lose out cool and an insulting comment is uttered, but if you can avoid name-calling then do so.
Harsh words are very ruinous to a relationship, and it’s never good to set a precedent that insults (no matter how big or small) are accepted. As an adult, you should strive to resolve conflicts or express feelings without raising your voice, insulting, or swearing at your partner.
This article was originally posted by Fox News.
Any views or opinions expressed in this article are personal and belong solely to the author, and do not represent those of theAsianparent or its clients.
