Think your toddler’s tantrums and meltdowns are hard? Wait til they grow up and start grumbling and complaining about every single thing!
But fear not, dear reader, for there is hope! Here are a few simple tips to help reduce the amount of grumbling and complaining in your young child.
Why Is My Child Always Grumbling and Complaining?
When my firstborn was a toddler, we were the best of friends. We agreed on almost everything. There were occasional tantrums, but mostly, she would listen to me and take my word without any objections.
But somewhere along the way (and two siblings later), it became more challenging for us to communicate. My suggestions were met with rolling eyes, and she would complain a lot – about her food, her clothes, her schedule. I felt like I could never do or say anything right!
I wondered, what happened to my seemingly agreeable toddler? Where did all this protesting and negative attitude come from?
What Causes Grumbling and Complaining in Children
As parents, we all know that the sound of our child’s constant grumbling and complaining can drive us up the wall. Kids grumble and complain for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, they do it because they are trying to get what they want, or because they are not happy with a situation.
Remember that your child is also testing their independence, so when it feels like their freedom or ability to choose is being taken away from them, they can respond in a defiant way. Our child grumbles when they expect something to go a certain way, but they doesn’t – very much like our reaction when something doesn’t go the way we planned.
Other times, they may grumble and complain because they are tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed.
It’s important for parents to try to understand the underlying cause of their child’s grumbling and complaining, and address it in a supportive and empathetic way. By doing this, you can help your child learn to express their emotions in a more constructive manner.
How to Stop Grumbling and Complaining in Children
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How to stop whining and complaining? Here are some parenting tips you can try on how to handle this difficult child behavior
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Set clear expectations for behaviour and communication.
Let your child know that grumbling and complaining is not acceptable, and explain why. For example, you could say, “We don’t grumble and complain in our family. It’s not kind to others and it doesn’t solve problems. Let’s think of a better way to express ourselves.”
Sometimes, your child is grumbling or complaining because he just wants to feel seen or heard with what he’s going through. So, according to Dr Becky Kennedy, a renowned parenting coach, you can acknowledge their emotions without approving the negative behavior.
You can say, “I know it’s hard when things don’t go your way. It’s okay to feel upset. I’m right here with you if you need me.”
If you want your child to stop grumbling and complaining, you need to set a good example by not doing it yourself. You can say, “I know it’s hard, but let’s try to focus on the good things in our lives and be grateful for what we have. I’ll try my best to do the same.”
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Use humour to diffuse the situation.
When your child starts grumbling and complaining, try to make a joke out of it. For example, if they are complaining about having to eat their vegetables, you could say, “I know, broccoli is so much fun to eat. It’s like a mini tree for your mouth!”
Sometimes, you can already predict that your child will grumble and complain in a situation. Then, you can prepare for it by remembering to validate their emotions and give them a bit of freedom in some aspects. For instance, your child complains about having to wear shoes to go outside. Here’s what you can say:
“I know you don’t like wearing shoes. But we’re going outside and your feet are going to hurt from walking if you don’t. Which one of these shoes do you like to wear today – the blue one or the green one? You choose.”
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Use positive reinforcement.
When your child does not grumble or complain, praise them and reward them with something they enjoy, like a sticker or a small treat. You could say, “Great job not grumbling or complaining! You are such a kind and positive person. Here’s a sticker to celebrate your good behaviour.”
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Don’t give in to their demands.
If your child is grumbling and complaining because they want something they can’t have, it’s important not to give in. This will only reinforce their grumbling and complaining behaviour.
You can say, “I know you want that toy, but it’s not in our budget right now. Let’s think of something else we can do that will be fun and not cost any money.”
Books For Your Resistant Child
These books can help teach your child about the negative effects of grumbling and complaining, and encourage them to be more positive and grateful. Reading these books together and discussing their themes can also be a great way to bond with your child and help them understand their emotions.
- “The Grouchy Ladybug” by Eric Carle
- “Don’t Be Such a Sourpuss” by Judi Barrett
- “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst
- “Grumpy Bird” by Jeremy Tankard
- “The Berenstain Bears and the Joy of Giving” by Stan and Jan Berenstain.
Movies to Watch With Your Defiant Kid
These movies can help teach your child about the negative effects of grumbling and complaining, and encourage them to be more positive and grateful. Watching these movies together and discussing their themes can also be a fun and engaging way to spend time with your child and help them understand their emotions.
- “Inside Out”
- “The Lego Movie”
- “The Emperor’s New Groove”
- “Monsters, Inc.”
- “The Lorax”
“Repeat these words: ‘This is a stage. I’m going to figure it out.’ When things feel hard with our kids, we often spiral because we worry it will last forever.
Instead, ground yourself in the moment and ground yourself in the moment and remind yourself of your capability so you can get back in touch with that sturdy leader inside you,” Dr Becky reminds parents.
Also remember that despite the constant grumbling and containing, remind yourself that your child is a good kid and he’s still learning how to navigate his emotions.
By following those simple parenting tips mentioned above, you can help reduce the amount of grumbling and complaining in your young child and create a more peaceful and harmonious household.
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