Daily Mail reported a heartwarming and inspiring account of a UK father of two who died from skin cancer. Paul Flanagan died at age 45 in November 2009, after six years of battling melanoma. He was first diagnosed when a birthmark that was found to be malignant and was quickly removed. Although he was given the all-clear in 2008, in May 2008, check-ups found that the cancer had spread to the lymph glands in his arms, and was detected in his neck soon after. Surgery and radiotherapy did little to halt its progress. And, in March 2009, scans showed that the cancer had spread to his brain and his condition was terminal.
However, his illness was never a deterrent for him to be the best father and husband possible. His wife, Mandy, 44, said that he never pitied himself and he had ‘so much energy’. She continued to add that he was ‘determined to get his affairs in order and did whatever he could to continue being a good dad to his children throughout the years, even though he wouldn’t be here in person’.
His two kids, Thomas and Lucy were just five and one-and-a-half years old respectively, when he passed on. He wrote them letters, filmed DVD messages, bought future birthday presents and even filled up a huge chest with his favourite books. Mandy explained, ‘Each book is accompanied by a note to Thomas and Lucy explaining why Paul loved it, and how much he hopes they will too when they’re old enough to read it.’
And as his health deteriorated, Paul insisted that he and Mandy went shopping for Thomas and Lucy’s 18th and 21st birthday presents.
‘You just want to do whatever feels right. We went to a jewellers in Spitalfields market in London to buy Lucy an eternity ring for her 21st.’
‘When the woman at the counter asked: “Is it the right size?”, Paul and I just looked blankly at each other. “We don’t know,” I said.
‘She looked at Paul and saw how desperately ill he was. Then all three of us looked at Lucy sitting in her pushchair, completely oblivious to it all.’
Lucy was christened last summer. As a result, she has one godmother and nine godfathers — each a close friend of her father’s. ‘He wanted his friends to have a permanent tie to his family, I think,’ says Mandy. ‘And if Lucy couldn’t have her father, a fantastic team of godfathers was the very least she deserved.’
His greatest parting gift was a document titled ‘On finding fulfillment’, which Mandy found on his laptop, by chance in June this year. ‘I opened it and, with tears rolling down my cheeks, I discovered his bullet-pointed code to living a good and happy life,’ says Mandy.
She added: ‘‘The list of 28 instructions for living a good life contained no empty platitudes; each one completely reflects the way that Paul lived his own life.’
In it, he advised both Thomas and Lucy that loyalty, integrity and moral courage are the three most important virtues they should live by. His list was also a reflection of his amusing yet wise humor with reminders like ‘Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.’ and ‘Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.’
Along the way, he also carefully organised the family finances, arranged his own funeral and even bought his own memorial bench for the grounds of Reigate Grammar School where he had taught economics since 2003. He set up a cricket team for all of his friends, who now play annual memorial matches to raise money for the Melanoma Foundation. By the time Paul died — at home, eight months after his terminal diagnosis — Mandy felt certain that he would rest peacefully in the knowledge that he had left the best legacy that any father could.
Read Paul Flanagan’s list of virtues to live by, here. For information on melanoma and other types of skin cancer, please visit cancercentre.com.sg.
Source/photo credit: Daily Mail UK
