Your partner erupts in rage, threatens you, and blames you for everything that has gone wrong. They feel bad after the fight, regret what they said, and try to be nice. Then they withhold—and the cycle continues. Is this something you’ve heard before?
Dealing with an angry partner can be a very stressful experience, leaving you on edge and walking on eggshells. The constant fear of provoking your partner can have a negative impact on your emotional well-being as well as the quality of your relationship.
There are, however, steps you can take to take control of the situation and create a more peaceful partnership.
6 Steps In Dealing With An Angry Partner
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1. Recognise your own triggers
Understanding your own triggers is the first step in dealing with an angry partner. Take responsibility for your role in the relationship by identifying what makes you defensive or reactive. This self-awareness will give you more control over your own behaviour and allow you to respond constructively to your partner’s rage.
2. Separate the person from the behavior
It is also important to separate the individual from the behaviour. When your partner expresses anger, instead of attacking their character, focus on the specific actions or behaviours that have upset them. This will assist in reducing defensiveness and encouraging your partner to accept responsibility for their actions.
3. Take nothing personally
Remember that your partner’s anger is not directed at you. It reflects their own unsatisfied needs for safety, integrity, love, or freedom. Don’t take it personally, and try not to internalise their aggression or believe their accusations.
4. Establish boundaries
You have the authority to set firm limits for acceptable behaviour and should never tolerate abuse. If your partner’s behaviour does not improve, it may be time to end the relationship.
5. Address the problem when you’re both calm
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Addressing the issue when both you and your partner are calm is essential for productive communication. Wait until the negative energy has dissipated before approaching the problem with empathy and understanding. Express your feelings and needs without blaming each other, and collaborate to find a solution that benefits both parties.
6. Seek professional help
Seek professional assistance if the situation feels overwhelming. Couples counselling can provide a safe environment in which to learn anger management techniques and healthy communication techniques. Individual counselling can help you learn new ways to deal with your partner’s anger even if your partner is unwilling to go to therapy.
Remember that your actions have the ability to influence the dynamics of your relationship. You can create a more harmonious and fulfilling partnership by accepting responsibility for your role in the relationship, expressing concern without criticism, and understanding your partner’s deep-seated pains with compassion.
