7 signs that you need marriage counselling

1. Fights are the only way that you connect emotionally

Married couples who are afraid of appearing vulnerable or emotional in front of their spouses often turn to fighting as it provides an intense emotional connection without the vulnerability.

If the only time you feel emotionally connected to your spouse is when you’re in midst of a heated argument, you may need to try marriage counseling to relearn how to connect functionally with your partner.

2. Problems with self-esteem worsen after marriage

If you feel like your self-esteem problems have worsened since you’ve been married, your spouse may be emotionally abusing you. Emotionally abusive spouses often insult or undermine you constantly, even in front of your friends and family. They may intentionally start fights with you, or make rude comments and then blame you for being oversensitive when you get upset.

This could seriously affect all aspects of your life, including your career and even your relationship with your children, so get help before you start feeling trapped and neglected.

3. Mental or physical disorders

When one spouse has been diagnosed with a mental disorder or a serious physical ailment, like cancer, it can take a severe toil on a marriage. The affected spouse may become withdrawn, moody or prone to depression, which can make effective communication difficult.

Marriage counseling is a great way for both parties to talk about their fears and what kind of support they would like to have from their spouse.

4. Problems prioritising each other

If your job, your children, your friends and everything else under the sun come before your spouse, you may be experiencing problems prioritising your partner. While married couples can’t be expected to focus on each other 24/7, it’s important to set aside time for the two of you to bond as a couple.

If you can’t even remember the last time you and your spouse spent quality time with each other because he keeps cancels plans with you, it may be best to see a marriage counselor to assess the problem.

5. You fallen out of love with your spouse

Every married couple goes through phases in which they regret their decision to get married, but these phases are usually transient.

However, if you’ve been feeling this way for a long time or you’re feeling like you’ve fallen out of love with your spouse and want a divorce, marriage counseling is something you should seriously consider.

It creates a neutral platform for your spouse and you to discuss what’s been missing in your marriage. Although it may seem like all hope is loss, your marriage may still be salvageable, so give it a try for the sake of your spouse and your children.

6. You can do no right

Do you nit-pick and criticise each other's every move? It's common for couples to give constructive criticism to one another, but when you start throwing negative criticism at each other constantly, there might be an inkling issue there that you should look into.

7. You no longer have anything in common

Do you and your partner spend hours together under the same roof, at social engagements or performing routine errands, yet rarely engage in meaningful conversation? It does happen to married couples after some time, as you slip into a comfort zone, so no need to red flag it.

Maybe try to spend half an hour a day picking each other's brains about a topic of interest. If all else fail, there might be an underlying problem. There's no harm seeking help.

Written by

Felicia Chin

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