Sometimes, there will be things that you feel like you can’t tell your husband, even if you have been with him for years. Marriage requires open communication and honesty for it to work. This is why couples strive not to keep secrets from one another. When women fake orgasms, is it as good as lying to their partner?
According to an Indiana University-led study 53 to 67% of women feel like they have no choice but to fake orgasms.
In an effort to better understand why this happens, here are some of the most common reasons many women — mums included — fake sexual climax.
1. Women fake orgasms because they don’t want to embarrass their husband
A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that orgasm “pretenders” usually have high expectations in bed.
In a bid not to hurt her hubby’s ego, a woman may exaggerate when it comes to sexual pleasure. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she just goes with the flow, hoping that he won’t notice that it’s not as “good for her as it is for him.”
2. Women fake orgasms because they are just too exhausted
Mums can totally relate to being too tired for sex. Sleep deprivation doesn’t really inspire sexual arousal. Sometimes, you “just want to get it over with” but don’t want to end things too abruptly.
When this is the case, faking the big O can be a preferred escape to get some much needed sleep.
3. Women fake orgasms because they don’t want to seem inadequate
In the same way that they don’t want their husband to be humiliated, women fake reaching the peak of sexual pleasure because they feel like it’s what’s expected of them.
Psychologist Laurie Mintz, who is also the author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex, thinks that both men and women feel obligated to “orgasm” during sex.
4. Women fake orgasms because they have never had one
According to a sexology study, 11% of women have never experienced an orgasm. So faking an orgasm, for women in this group, saves them the trouble of having to admit that they don’t know how to tell if they’ve climaxed in the first place.
5. Women fake orgasms because they have fallen into a pattern
They faked an orgasm once, so now they feel pressured to fake it again because they don’t want to let their partner down. Since they’ve fallen into a pattern that’s shielded from having to face reality, they have a hard time breaking the habit.
Talking to your husband about how to make your sex life better
Orgasm isn’t the sole determinant of a truly fulfilling sex life, but it is obviously a vital factor. If you allow the orgasm-faking to persist, then you could be robbing him (and yourself) of the chance to have a deeply satisfying sex life.
Before coming clean about your little white lies, first make sure to tell him that it is not a shortcoming of his as a husband. When it comes to sexual performance, there’s always room for improvement.
Be reassuring and loving. According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, orgasms happen most often when women are deeply emotionally compatible and comfortable with their partners.
Tips for hubbies who want their wives to stop faking it
Aside from communicating to deepen your bond, you can work on achieving true orgasm by giving hubby these tips:
1. Don’t take foreplay for granted. Penetrative sex isn’t the only way to pleasure a woman. Ask him to explore other ways to pleasure you. The opening act can be just as memorable as the main show, when done right.
2. Relax. Tell your hubby not to be too tough on himself, advises psychologist Monika Stelzl. Orgasms aren’t the only benchmarks of good sex for women. What matters most is having a caring and attentive partner, who strives to pleasure her no matter what.
3. Follow verbal and non-verbal cues. Sexologist Emily Morse recommends that you listen for “changes in her breathing, feel for rises in muscle tension, notice how deeply she’s kissing you.”
4. Try not to keep asking if it happened. It’s natural to check in on your partner over the course of sex, but asking for constant “orgasm update” can be a major buzzkill.
5. Rehash sexual encounters outside the bedroom. You can talk about sex, but make sure to keep it casual and positive. Talk about what you can both improve, being careful not to hurt one another’s feelings.
As your relationship grows, so your sexual needs evolve too. Adapt together, and have fun in the process! Before you know it, you’ll be on your way to achieving a lasting, deep intimacy that goes beyond short-lived orgasms.
Sources: Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health
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