'I Don't Want To Have Sex With My Wife'

'I Don't Want To Have Sex With My Wife'

“What can I do to help improve the relationship and fill the intimacy gap that my medical condition has now created?”

He’s been married 12 years and always had a great sex life but then something happened and he hasn’t been intimate since.

Having sex on a regular basis can often prove challenging for couples that have been married for a long time.

when the sex stops in your relationship

Image source: iStock

Children, stress and boredom can often set in and sex can often become a chore, or something done seldom between couples.

One man recently admitted that he no longer wants to have sex with his wife at all.

“Intimacy has dried up”

when the sex stops in your relationship

Image source: iStock

“I’m in a difficult position with my wife — we’ve been together 12 years,” the anonymous man told news.com.au

“Approximately four years ago, I had my left testicle removed which resulted in a complication of chronic neuropathic pain due to nerve damage from the surgery. Since that injury, I’ve been largely housebound.

He then says that intimacy has dried up as sex results in him being in debilitating pain for 24-48 hours. And his wife feels guilty as a result.

As such, their sex life has dried up. Not only sex but cuddling and general togetherness is affected.

The husband goes onto admit that when they touch or cuddle, he experiences painful, visible spasms or shocks.

“Unfortunately, my wife feels guilt due to the pain and self-blames and physically withdraws — despite my pleas to her that I don’t mind the spasms/pain as long as we’re close,” he adds. 

“Voice your feelings”

when the sex stops in your relationship

Image source: iStock

As a result, more and more distance is growing between them and, due to the challenges, he fears their relationship won’t survive the lack of intimacy/closeness.

“What can I do to help improve the relationship and fill the intimacy gap that my medical condition has now created?” he asks.

According to sex therapist Isiah McKimmie, when a couple experiences lack of closeness due to a medical condition, more understanding and communication is needed.

“Voice your feelings and your needs about your relationship in a positive and proactive way. Tell her the impact that the lack of physical closeness has on your emotionally and mentally. Instead of “pleas”, tell her how important this kind of connection is to you and clearly voice what you want,” Isiah says.

She also suggests maintaining a relationship connection in other ways, such as sitting down and talking each day, making time for playful and fun as much as possible and setting aside time for “date night” — even if that’s just a special night you have at home together regularly.

3 ways to stay intimate when the sex stops in your relationship

A survey by Menarini Group revealed both men and women would like to have sex more frequently, with results showing Singaporean couples only have sex 5.6 times per month.

Happiness levels have been noted to be similar to sexual satisfaction levels

If you’re not having enough sex, you can start by increasing the amount of intimacy you share with your partner. Here are 3 tips to maintain a level of closeness with your beloved even if you’re not having as much sex as you’d like.

1. Change perspective of what sex involves

Sex, after a baby arrives, is likely going to be infrequent. Instead of worrying about when you can have sex again, think of different ways to fulfil your partner’s sexual needs.

There are several ways to keep sexual satisfaction levels high without penetrative intercourse, like mutual masturbation, or making out.

2. Keep stress levels low

There’s nothing worse than not being able to maintain an erection if you do manage to get some space for sexy time.

Stress is a big cause of erectile dysfunction. So make sure your man is relaxed and worry-free. Take time to do things you both enjoy and believe in the process.

As long as you commit time and energy into staying intimate, you’ll enjoy sex when the time comes.

3. Seek professional help for any medical conditions

If erectile dysfunction persists, or you are experiencing vaginismus (constant pain in the vagina when you’re about to have sex), consider speaking to a professional.

There may be other factors that are stopping you from having sexual intimacy that you aren’t aware of.

If left undiagnosed and untreated, it can lead to long-term stress and guilt for both parties.


This article was first published Kidspot and was republished on theAsianparent with permission. 

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