13 ways to handle your kid's tantrums

13 ways to handle your child's tantrums

When your child throws a tantrum, it can be a very daunting and unnerving situation, especially if it happens in a public place. While you may lose your mind watching your child lose their mind, here are some tips on how to stay calm and tame their tantrums.

#1 Understand why tantrums happen

Tantrums happen for many reasons - not getting what they want, stress, crankiness, situations in which they are unable to cope with (an older child snatching toys away from them), or even from hunger.

Prep yourself for such situations by reading up on ways to deal with tantrums, talking to your partner about how you both are going to handle the tantrums, and mentally preparing yourself for it. Understanding why tantrums occur and how to deal with them can help you to alleviate the situation when the time comes.

#2 Let your child have their space

Sometimes children throw tantrums to vent out their frustrations as they are not capable of holding in their anger. As long as they throw them without the use of violence, or in any destructive way, letting them vent their anger is a way for them to express themselves (it gets better with age). They will find a way to get their feelings out and pull themselves together.

#3 Create a distraction

Engaging your child in something else will take their mind off of the initial source of their frustration. Children have short attention spans, which means that if you're lucky to be able to catch them before the start of their tantrum, you usually would be able to divert their attention to something else and get them to calm down.

#4 Discipline without violence

It can be very tempting to spank your child when they're throwing their tantrums. You do not want to punish them for venting their anger out, but instead, you want them to talk it out and to learn that there are other ways to vent their anger.

#5 Communicate

Children throw tantrums for various reasons. Those under the age of 2 are usually unable to express themselves in words, and would throw tantrums especially when they are not being understood.

Teaching them to use sign language to point out what's frustrating them, can be of a big help when it comes to handling their tantrums. Saying things like "Show me what's bothering you" or "Show me what you want" can also help with understanding the reason they do it.

#6 Leave your child alone

Your child could be doing it because he knows that he'll be able to get what he wants. Many parents make the mistake of giving in to their child during tantrums because they do not want their child to embarrass them in public, or cause trouble at home.

By leaving your child alone, you are showing him that throwing a crazy fit will not get him what he is asking for, and that he'll have to have to find another way of expressing himself.

#7 Be a good role model

Refrain from raising your voice or having a meltdown of your own. Children look up to their parents as their role models. Raising your voice or using violence may lead your child into thinking that it is okay for him to raise his voices and to use violence too.

#8 “Bribe” them to behave

You have to recognise when you’re asking a lot from your child and offering him a little in return. Positive bribery is fine, as long as it’s done on your terms and ahead of time -- not under pressure in the middle of a tantrum. If you’re going to bring him out for a meal after a long day, try saying this: "Mummy is asking you to sit and eat properly tonight. I think you can do it! If you behave, we can go home and watch your favourite movie together."

#9 Get them out of the place

If you're in a movie theatre or somewhere where a child's crying will attract unwanted attention, leave the place and let your child cool off outside. Not only will this be considerate to others, but it will deter you from saying, "Look at how everyone is staring at you!" which may prompt your child to cry even more.

#10 Let them cool off

By letting them cool off on their own, they would be able to gather their feelings together on their own (which is a good development skill!) and calm down naturally. Some children may feel agitated when they aren't being understood - which may lead to more tantrum throwing.

#11 Speak in a calm voice

Talking in a soothing voice shows your child that you're not going to let her behaviour get to you. It also helps you stay relaxed -- when what you really want to do is yell right back. In fact, the calm tone is as much for the parent as the child! If you're tense, your kid will pick up on it, and it's going to amp her up even more."

#12 They might need to take a break!

Most of the time, the reason for their meltdown is lack of rest. Give them a snack or two to munch on and take time to rest and relax. If you notice their outbursts happening at similar times of the evening, it’s no coincidence -- they’re probably exhausted and need a nap or a sugar boost.

#13 Give them a firm hug

Giving them a firm snuggle would probably be the last thing you would want to do when your child is freaking out, but it’s surprising how much it helps in calming your tots’ tantrum.

When he throws a fit, just give him a big, firm hug and not say a word. Hugs make kids feel secure and tend to be reassuring as it gives them the space to get their emotions out.

Written by

Pavin Chopra

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