Tips on how to best deal with conflict the Vedantic way
At home, getting into a battle of wills with your children (or partner) is not something that’s new or rare. Regardless of the size of your family, the possibility of ruffling each other’s feathers is always present.
Instead of trying to eradicate conflict all together (which would probably be impossible), you could instead focus on how to recognise its presence, and deal with it.
Here are some Vedantic parenting tips on how to deal with parent-child conflicts in the best way possible.
In his book, ‘Parenting’, Swami Tejomayananda of the Chinmaya Mission writes, “the first thing that is required when you face any problems – not only related to parenting- is that you have to keep cool.”
Emotions tend to naturally blow things out of proportion during a fight. So it’s important to be reasonable and logical by separating your emotions from the problem. Acting on emotions will only destroy rational thinking and cloud your logic. As the cliché goes, “Don’t go down with the dogs. Otherwise, you’ll get fleas”.
Maintain your emotions and recognize that your problems are not new.
Once you are relaxed and have taken charge of your emotions, Swami Tejomayananda then advices parents to recognise that whatever problem they are facing, it’s probably not unique and definitely not new.
In the Puranas, it is written that the divine sage Narada Muni came down from the Heavens to Earth and realised that every one around him was unrighteous. People were misbehaving, and kids were out of control. He was so worried that he went to Bhrama, the Hindu God of Creation, and asked, “What will happen to these people? Can you tell me something?”
This story just serves to highlight that whatever is happening to the youth and kids of today, also happened years ago during the times of Narada!
Remember your own Childhood
As parents, it’s sometimes easy to forget the follies of our own youth. There’s probably no one in this world who wasn’t at least a tad rebellious growing up. It might have been at the mental level, or verbally or even physically. But all of us at some point have rebelled. Never forget that.
Read the next page to find out what are more Vedantic parenting tips.
Know the Root Cause
As with an illness, knowing what caused the problem is better than just finding the cure for the symptoms. Find out what triggered the conflict to better address the problem. Otherwise, you may find yourself dealing with the same issue over and over again.
Having positive thoughts help deal with conflicts better.
The power of positive thinking can help you deal with conflicts too. Think happy thoughts and good things are bound to happen. Wallow in misery, and you’ll get just that.
A person’s attitude will actually rule his response to situations. Learn to find comedy in the situation. Hold on to your sense of humour, and you’ll soon realise that things aren’t that bad after all.
Eliminate your Ego
Instead of locking horns, swallow your pride and allow everyone to come up with the best solution to the conflict. If several people are working to end the problem, there will be more solutions available. Forget who’s to blame. Instead, initiate fixing the problem and accept ownership of the resolution.
Conflicts do not really have to give rise to a winner or a loser. Sometimes, a battle of wills is a good opportunity to air grievances and ultimately better a situation or relationship. Often, the right decision means everyone might have to sacrifice a little.