In an ideal world, mums everywhere, despite their differences, stick up for one another. In an ideal world, mums will be supportive of other mums. Sadly, such is not the case.
There are mothers who feel as though parenting is a competition. There are mothers who feel good when they one-up one one another and make themselves feel superior.
But mothers already have a tough time what with all the many things going on in their life. The last thing they need is to be told that they could be better at what they do and other obnoxious, condescending things.
Mum Katelyn Carmen once asked a group of women “what are some things that mums should stop saying to each other?” In her Family Share article, she shares ten of the things mums say, that they shouldn't be saying.
1. “Well, I do it this way…”
There is no one, sure-fire way to parent. What works for one family may not for another. “Just because you don’t agree with how another mum feeds her kids, changes diapers, chooses schools, etc. doesn’t mean she is doing those things incorrectly,” says Katelyn.
2. “If it were MY child…”
The fact that they are not your child is in itself telling. A mother knows her children best, so trust that the things she does is in her children’s best interest. Mothers should stop critiquing other mum’s parenting ways.
3. “I feel like a single mum”
This is an insult to actual single mums. Just because your husband isn’t around to help you doesn’t necessarily mean that you have felt the many hardships and struggles single mothers do face every day.
4. “When are you going to have kids?”
What a woman does with her life isn’t anyone’s business but her own. Whether or not she decides to have children next year or five years from now isn’t your concern. There are also many reasons why a woman doesn’t have a child. What if she can’t have children? If she’s infertile, the last thing she needs to hear is a reminder of that painful fact.
5. “What’s wrong with your kid?”
“Health problems and mental health issues are common reasons for a child to act differently than other children,” Katelyn says. “The best things you can do is love that child, embrace their differences and learn how you can appropriately act toward them and make them feel accepted.”
6. “Why don’t you do this instead?”
It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are: no advice should ever be given unless asked for, especially when it comes to parenting.
7. “You’re a bad mum for not breastfeeding…”
“Breast is best,” mums everywhere often hear. But there are mothers who find breastfeeding difficult. Some mothers can’t even produce an abundant enough supply of it in order to breastfeed on the regular.
At the end of the day a mum’s gotta do what she thinks is best for her children. At the end of the day, fed is best.
8. “You’re not invited”
“It feels horrible to be left out of a group,” Katelyn admits. “No more cliques and excluding others. Every mum needs a friend and a strong community to help her feel loved and cared for.”
9. "Did you see what she did last week?"
Mothers should be mature enough to leave the gossip to the teenagers. Talking about other mums behind their backs is destructive, and does not create a positive environment which nurtures one another.
10. Not saying anything
Not saying anything can be just as hurtful as saying the wrong things sometimes.
“If you see someone struggling, reach out!” advises katelyn. “Offer up a hug, a listening ear, a helping hand. Reach out to the women close to you and in your community.”
It is important for women, mothers especially, to know that they are not alone and that someone has their back.
