You shouted from the dining hall, “Andy! Andy! It’s dinner time!”
But no one came downstairs.
Frustrated, you called out again, “Andy! Andy! Come down now!” Still, no response.
You headed to Andy’s room and found him engrossed in playing Roblox, forgetting about dinner.
You yelled at him about his addiction to the game, which was causing him to neglect his homework, school, sleep, and even meals.
In a fit of anger, you confiscated his smartphone, but Andy fought back, unable to bear the thought of losing it.
You realised that Andy’s behaviour was similar to that of a drug addict, and he needed help to overcome his addiction.
Have You Ever Confiscated Your Child’s Smartphone as a Form of Punishment?
If so, how did it go?
Depending on your child’s personality, they may respond in different ways.
For instance, if your child is more aggressive, they may fight back.
On the other hand, if they are more submissive, they may follow through with resentment or anxiety.
If they are indifferent, they may ignore you altogether.
In today’s digital age, it’s challenging to separate our children from electronic devices, and the internet.
They use screens and the internet for schoolwork, studying, communicating with friends, and entertainment.
According to a study by Common Sense Media, 72% of teenagers feel the need to respond to notifications immediately, and 59% of parents say their teens are addicted to their mobile devices.
These are some of the challenges parents face today.
Common Mistakes Parents Make in Their Child’s Screen Time
Image Source: iStock
Unfortunately, one mistake parents make in managing their child’s screen time is taking away electronic devices or screen time as punishment.
This is done from the belief that their children will learn from this punishment. They do so to correct their child’s behaviour.
When the nagging and pleading fail, parents may resort to taking away their children’s devices.
If your child is addicted to these electronic devices, it’s natural to want to take them away, to correct their behaviour and teach them a lesson.
Punishment may work initially, but over time, it loses its effectiveness.
As children grow older, they develop their own identities and thoughts and may begin to fight back.
They become “immune” to punishment, and it loses its “magic.”
Meet Jenny
Let me tell you how we helped Jenny, a mother of a 13-year-old teenage son, reduce her son’s screen time from 8 hours per day to 3 hours per day in just one month!
Jenny’s son used to enjoy reading books and playing board games, puzzles, and toy trains.
However, when he got an iPad and Nintendo Switch at age 12, he became addicted and started spending 8 hours a day gaming and watching YouTube.
After working with us, we were able to help reduce his gadget use from 8 hours to 3 hours in just over a month.
As a result, the son started showing renewed interest in his old hobbies like reading, board games, and trains, and his academic performance also improved significantly.
Previously, Jenny would have to nag and threaten to remove the gadgets, and her son would often fight back, throw tantrums, or have meltdowns.
However, after working with us, Jenny learned how to better regulate her son’s screen time and communicate with him more effectively.
We also helped her work on her inner self and her relationship with herself, as well as her mindset about parenting and how to rebuild a different type of relationship with her teenage son.
As a result, her son has been more open to reconnecting with her, and just two months after working with us, he even invited her to play a video game with him.
When Jenny first heard about our “Reduce Your Child’s Screen Time” webinar and past case studies, she knew it was the best option for her breakthrough.
However, she had self-doubt about whether she could do this, given her chaotic relationship with her son. Nevertheless, she took a leap of faith, and the results speak for themselves.
Punishment Versus Consequences
Many parents confuse punishment with consequences.
Punishment aims to shame, guilt, impose authority, and harm. It usually inflicts emotional and physical pain on the child.
Instead of punishment, consider the consequences of your child’s actions and help them understand the impact of their behaviour.
Ask yourself, “Is this teaching my child something? What lessons will they learn from this?”
Image Source: iStock
When you punish your child by taking away their electronic devices, they don’t learn to be addicted to their screens.
Instead, they learn to hide things from you and become sneakier.
They develop the belief that “If I get punished, I should try to hide and not allow you to find out!”
This belief is flawed.
The belief that “If I confiscate my child’s smartphone, then his addiction will stop” is flawed.
Removing screens and electronic devices won’t necessarily stop addiction.
Punishment creates a disconnect between you and your child, and they may not want to share anything with you about their world.
This can become dangerous as the internet is not always a safe place for children.
If your child faces issues such as contact with online strangers, online predators, or cyber-bullying, they may not want to tell you because they fear their devices will be confiscated again.
Behind Every Addiction, There is a Reason
If your child is heavily addicted to their screen, it could be an indication that they are experiencing pain or stress that they don’t know how to manage, and some of their needs may not be met.
The screen provides them a comfortable place to release their pain and feel a sense of accomplishment, particularly in gaming.
Confiscating your child’s smartphone can lead to a worse situation as they will lose their outlet to release their pain or have their needs met.
They may resort to other substances or even have a mental breakdown as they are unable to cope with their pain. Your child may also turn to borrowing their friend’s phone or creating a hidden account, which is not a good idea.
They may not be willing to share their world with you because they do not trust you or feel safe doing so.
Instead of confiscating your child’s smartphone in the moment of heat, calm yourself first.
Once you can calm yourself, you can briefly remind your child about the dinner and you would like to connect with him during dinner.
Instead of punishing them, connect first and see what is going on in their world.
The long-term solution is to guide your child on how to use these apps and technologies responsibly and wisely.
By empowering them, you can help them use the screen and the internet responsibly.
If you want to learn more about what you should do about your child’s screen time, join our free webinar “20 Painful Mistakes Parents Regret Making In Their Child’s Screen Time and What To Do Instead” at https://www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/20painfulmistakes
Image Source: iStock
Jessie Liew is the founder of Digital Parenting Coaching and a mother of 4. Her previous career included working as a cybersecurity specialist, where she protected clients from the harmful effects caused by online hackers and predators.
In her spare time, Jessie enjoys reading, playing games, and adventures.
If you would like to learn more about Jessie and her work, please visit her website at www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/.
You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Linkedin as Jessie Liew SP.
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