Do you remember that special moment when your baby called you ‘mama’? To hear them say this magical word is perhaps the sweetest privilege for any new mother. One that you wouldn’t want to share with others.
But what happens when your mother-in-law (MIL) decides to ‘share’ this privilege and insists that your child call her ‘mummy,’ even though she won’t be raising your bub?
Well, an eight-month-pregnant woman recently shared this story on Reddit and raised her concerns about her ex-MIL crossing the boundaries and overstepping her personal space.
Unhealthy Family Boundaries? Ex-MIL Demands To Be Called ‘Mummy’
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The young woman who has been in an “off and on relationship” with her ex for years shared, “He has been back and forth about being involved in the relationship, which is his choice. Currently, things look okay and we have come to an agreement about what we want for our child.”
However, the problem came to the fore when her ex’s mother questioned her parenting skills.
She prodded the father of the baby to threaten to take her child away if the mother failed to raise her “correctly.” On top of that, she demanded the baby to call her ‘Mami.’
The mum shared that she even reasoned with her ex MIL and told her upfront that she wasn’t comfortable with her baby calling her ‘mum’ as opposed to grandmum. She even brought up the issue with her ex who supposedly had a word with his mum.
But this discussion failed.
So much so that her ex told her separately that his mother wants to be called ‘mum.’
“My mum said that she’s excited for the baby to be here and that baby will probably call her mum,” he told her categorically. While their baby will be with the mum 90 per cent of the time, the dad will still get weekly visits.
To top it all, her former MIL expressed her anger for being called out.
This prompted the mother to question whether her baby should address the grandmother as ‘mum,’ since she was neither going to be around her child for long nor was she going to raise her.
She asked fellow Redditors if she was wrong to make her stand or if she was overreacting and simply “influenced by her pregnancy hormones.”
Netizens In Agreement With The Expecting Mum
“Document everything”
Users on Reddit supported her decision to stand up against her ex MIL and lauded her for setting the boundaries with family members. Many even urged her to tread carefully with her ex-MIL.
For instance, one user suggested, “Be smart and document everything. This is so that if she tries to take the child from you, you will have the proof with dates that she has been behaving in this manner from the start.”
Another user had similar advice. “You need to document everything and I mean every little thing, including every move of your ex-MIL. Be, one or two steps ahead of her for your own and your baby’s protection,” the user said.
Some even suggested that she should ‘lawyer up,’ just in case the ex-MIL decides to take her head-on.
Another chimed in to say, “If she actually wants the kids to call her “mami,” (mummy) she can herself go through the trouble of conceiving, birthing, and raising them.”
While these arguments are valid, they also highlight the fact that boundaries with extended family must be set right from the onset.
Sometimes grandparents or other family members try to redo parenting by assuming a parental figure in a child’s life, much to the dismay of the parents.
If that’s you, here are a few ways you can manage the situation.
3 Ways To Set Healthy Family Boundaries
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1. Don’t assume the worst
More often than not, extended families have the best intentions at heart. But that may or may not always materialise or come across as such.
Which is why, you shouldn’t always assume the worst and consider the request if it is reasonable, especially when it comes to grandparents.
However, if it’s a similar case to this Redditor mum, maybe it’s wise to address the issue honestly with the person concerned.
2. Avoid criticism
Instead of critiquing your extended family and the grandparents, try to understand where they may be coming from. After all, they are your or your spouse’s parents and want only the best for you.
Focussing on the positives will help further cement your relationship.
3. Don’t give unsolicited advice
This is particularly important for the grandparents: Don’t give advice, unless asked. Chances are high that it will most likely be heard as criticism. If you respect the boundary, then your kids will come to you for your opinion.
You can’t compare your parenting style with your kids’. Let them learn their own way. It also helps to make an extra effort to bond, so you can both find ways to be a part of each other’s lives.
News source: Reddit
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