Hari Raya With Children: What To Teach Them, And What To Expect

If you're reading this, you're either a Muslim scrambling to buy kuih and new clothes for Hari Raya, or a non-Muslim merely looking forward to the long weekend ahead...

Every child in Singapore will be invited to a Hari Raya open house at some point, and most non-Muslim families arrive slightly unsure of what to do. It’s good to know, because what’s expected is warm and simple, and getting it right is noticed.

This is what to teach your child, whether you’re celebrating or visiting.

What Hari Raya is

Hari Raya Aidilfitri, also called Hari Raya Puasa, marks the end of Ramadan, the month in which Muslims fast from dawn until sunset.

The simplest explanation for a young child: for a whole month, grown-ups don’t eat or drink while the sun is up, not even water. It teaches patience, and it helps you understand what it’s like for people who don’t have enough. Hari Raya is the celebration at the end of it.

Sahur is the meal before dawn; iftar is the meal breaking the fast at sunset, traditionally started with dates.
Children aren’t required to fast. Many practise with half days from around seven or eight, and full fasting is generally expected from adolescence. Families differ, and that’s normal.
Hari Raya Haji (Aidiladha) is a separate festival later in the year, marking the pilgrimage season. They’re often confused.
The dates move each year, because the Islamic calendar is lunar.

If your child has fasting friends

A small thing that matters a great deal to the child doing it.

Explain it before Ramadan starts, so a friend not eating at recess is understood, not remarked on.
Don’t make a performance of eating in front of a fasting friend, and don’t ask repeatedly whether they’re hungry.
“Are you fasting today?” is a perfectly friendly question. “Why don’t you just have a bit?” isn’t.
A fasting classmate may be tired in the afternoon, particularly older ones. That isn’t rudeness.

Visiting an open house

Open house means what it says. You don’t need a formal invitation beyond being told to come, and bringing your children is expected.

Dress modestly. Covered shoulders and knees for everyone, children included. Nobody expects traditional dress from guests, though children in baju kurung or baju melayu are always warmly received.
Take off your shoes at the door, and teach your child to place them neatly instead of kicking them off.
The greeting is “Selamat Hari Raya”, often followed by “Maaf zahir dan batin”, an apology and request for forgiveness for any wrong done, in word or in thought. Forgiveness is central to the day, which is a lovely thing to explain to a child.
Use your right hand for eating, giving and receiving.
Greet the elders first, and teach your child to do the same.
All the food will be halal. Don’t bring food unless you’ve checked it’s halal-certified, and never bring alcohol or anything containing pork or gelatine.
Wait to be invited to eat, then eat. Refusing food is the one thing that does cause offence.
Don’t overstay. Households receive guests all day, and about an hour is generous.
Prayer may be happening. If someone is praying, walk around them, not in front, and lower your voice.

Duit raya

Children are often given green packets of money. Teach the same manners as for any packet: receive with both hands or the right hand, say thank you, and don’t open it in front of the giver.

If you’re hosting, crisp notes in green packets for the children who visit is the norm.

The salam

You’ll see younger people take an elder’s hand and touch it lightly to their own forehead. This is the salam, a gesture of respect and of asking forgiveness.

Guests aren’t expected to do it, and your child shouldn’t be pushed into it. But explain it beforehand so they aren’t startled, and a child who does it naturally will delight everyone in the room.

Food for children

Ketupat: compressed rice cakes in woven palm leaf, served with almost everything.
Rendang: slow-cooked beef, rich and often quite spicy. Ask before giving it to a small child.
Lontong, satay, lemang, sambal goreng: the standard spread.
Kueh of every colour, plus pineapple tarts.
Spice is the thing to check. Most hosts will happily point you to the mild dishes if you ask, and would much rather be asked.
Watch the nuts: satay sauce is peanut-based, and this is a common allergy. Say so clearly if your child has one.

What to teach them

Not the vocabulary. What’s behind it.

Ramadan is about self-discipline and about noticing people who go without. Hari Raya is about forgiveness: going to the people you’ve wronged in the past year and asking them to forgive you, starting with your parents and grandparents.

That’s a good idea for anybody’s child, whatever the family believes, and it’s a better thing to take home than the names of the dishes.

Frequently asked questions

How do I explain Ramadan to a young child?

For a whole month, adults don’t eat or drink while the sun is up, not even water. It teaches patience and helps people understand what it’s like for those who don’t have enough. Hari Raya is the celebration at the end. Children aren’t required to fast. Many practise with half days from around seven or eight.

What should we wear to a Hari Raya open house?

Modest clothing with shoulders and knees covered, for adults and children. Traditional dress isn’t expected of guests, though children in baju kurung or baju melayu are always warmly received. Take your shoes off at the door.

What do you say at Hari Raya?

“Selamat Hari Raya”, often followed by “Maaf zahir dan batin”, asking forgiveness for any wrong done in word or thought. Forgiveness is central to the day, which is a lovely thing to explain to a child before you go.

What should I not bring to a Hari Raya open house?

Never bring alcohol, pork, or anything containing gelatine, and don’t bring food at all unless you’ve checked it’s halal-certified. Do refuse food once you’re there as little as possible. Declining what’s offered is the one thing that causes offence.

What’s duit raya?

Money given to children in green packets. The manners are the same as for any packet: receive with both hands or the right hand, say thank you, and don’t open it in front of the giver.

What’s the salam gesture?

Younger people take an elder’s hand and touch it lightly to their forehead, as a sign of respect and of asking forgiveness. Guests aren’t expected to do it and children should never be pushed into it, but explain it beforehand so it isn’t startling.

What’s the difference between Hari Raya Puasa and Hari Raya Haji?

Hari Raya Puasa, or Aidilfitri, marks the end of the fasting month of Ramadan. Hari Raya Haji, or Aidiladha, is a separate festival later in the year connected to the pilgrimage season. They’re commonly confused.

What to remember

Dress modestly, shoes off, right hand, greet the elders first, and eat what you’re offered.

Teach your child “Selamat Hari Raya” and, if they can manage it, “Maaf zahir dan batin”, and tell them what it means, because that’s the best part.

Never bring alcohol, pork or uncertified food. And if a friend is fasting at school, explain it beforehand so nobody has to.