Chinese New Year With Young Children: What To Teach Them First

theAsianparent ushers in the Year of the Goat together with our loyal readers. Have a Happy New Year 2015!

Chinese New Year with a small child is a logistics problem wearing a festival costume. Four days, a dozen houses, no naps, and a lion dance at close range.

Here’s what to teach them, what to prepare them for, and how to get through the visiting without a meltdown in someone’s living room.

Ang bao etiquette

The part children most want to get right, and the part most likely to embarrass everyone.

Receive with both hands. Not one, and not by grabbing.
Say the greeting first, then take it. “Gong Xi Fa Cai” works universally; “Shen Ti Jian Kang”, wishing good health, is a lovely thing to teach a child to say to grandparents and older relatives.
Never open it in front of the giver. Practise this one at home, because it’s the one that goes wrong.
No comments on the contents. Ever, and especially not comparisons with a cousin’s.
Rehearse the whole sequence a few days beforehand as a game. Children who’ve practised are proud, not anxious.

If you’re giving: married couples give to unmarried adults and children. Use new or crisp notes, keep the amount even, and avoid anything with a four in it. Odd amounts are associated with funerals. Give with two hands as well. Your child is watching how you do it.

The lion dance

This gets its own section, because parents are consistently surprised by how much it frightens young children.

It’s very loud: drums, cymbals, gongs, sometimes firecrackers. And the lion head is enormous and comes towards people deliberately. A two-year-old has no framework for this.

Show them videos beforehand, several times, with the sound on. Familiarity does most of the work.
Explain that there are people inside. Show them the legs in the video.
Stand well back, and near an exit.
Bring ear defenders if your child is sensitive to noise. This is standard for many families and nobody will think anything of it.
Leave if they want to leave, without persuading them to be brave. A frightening first encounter is remembered for years.

Surviving the visiting

Two houses a day, maximum, with a young child. Ambition here’s what causes the scenes.
Protect the nap even if it means arriving late or leaving early. An overtired toddler in an unfamiliar house full of loud relatives has no chance.
Leave before the meltdown, not during it. Set a departure time before you arrive and hold to it.
Bring your own snacks. The available food is largely sugar, nuts and bak kwa.
Bring one familiar thing, a soft toy or a book, for the quiet corner every child eventually needs.
Find the quiet room when you arrive so you know where it is.
Dress them comfortably. New clothes are traditional; stiff, scratchy new clothes for eight hours are a fight you’ve chosen.

Snack safety

Chinese New Year tables are full of exactly the foods that choke small children. Whole nuts and melon seeds shouldn’t be given under five, and they’re usually within reach at toddler height. Move the bowls, or watch them.

The relatives

Somebody will ask your child about their exam results, and somebody will comment on how much or how little they’ve eaten. This is the part children remember about Chinese New Year, and not fondly.

Give them a stock answer in advance, “It was okay, thank you”, and permission to use it and walk away.
Step in. “He’s doing well, we’re not talking about school today” is polite and final. Children notice enormously when a parent takes their side, and they notice when one doesn’t.
Don’t join in. Repeating your child’s results or weight to a relative, even proudly, teaches them that they’re a topic.
Debrief in the car. A short “Aunty asks everyone that, it’s not about you” does a lot.

Explaining the traditions

Children accept rules more easily when there’s a story attached, and the stories are the good part.

Reunion dinner on the eve: the most important meal of the year, when the family comes back together.
Red everywhere because red is lucky and, in the old story, frightened away the Nian monster. Avoid black and white, which belong to funerals.
Cleaning before, not during. The house is cleaned to sweep out the old year, but you don’t sweep on the first day, because you’d be sweeping the new luck out with it.
No scissors, no knives on the first day: cutting away good fortune.
If something breaks, say “sui sui ping an”, a pun turning the breakage into a wish for peace. Children love this one, and it saves an accident from becoming a disaster.
Mandarin oranges in pairs, given with two hands.
Lo hei: everyone tosses the yu sheng together and higher is better. This is the bit small children enjoy most, so let them make a mess of it.
Oranges, fish, noodles: nearly every dish is a pun on prosperity, abundance or long life. Longevity noodles mustn’t be cut, which is a rule children enjoy enforcing.

Frequently asked questions

How do I teach my child ang bao etiquette?

Receive with both hands, say the greeting before taking it, never open it in front of the giver, and never comment on what’s inside. Rehearse the whole sequence at home a few days beforehand as a game. Children who’ve practised feel proud, not anxious.

How much should I put in an ang bao?

Use new or crisp notes, keep the amount even, and avoid any amount containing a four. Odd amounts are associated with funerals. Married couples give to unmarried adults and to children, and it’s given with two hands.

My toddler is frightened of the lion dance. What can I do?

Show them videos with the sound on several times beforehand, and explain that there are people inside: point out the legs. Stand well back and near an exit, bring ear defenders if they’re noise-sensitive, and leave if they want to leave instead of encouraging them to be brave. A frightening first encounter is remembered for years.

How many houses should we visit with a young child?

Two a day at most. Protect the nap even if it means arriving late or leaving early, decide your departure time before you arrive, and leave before the meltdown, not during it.

What do I do when relatives ask my child about exam results?

Give your child a stock answer in advance, “it was okay, thank you”, and permission to walk away after using it. Then step in yourself: “he’s doing well, we’re not talking about school today” is polite and final. Children notice very clearly when a parent takes their side.

Which Chinese New Year snacks are unsafe for young children?

Whole nuts and melon seeds shouldn’t be given to children under five, and at Chinese New Year they’re usually sitting in open bowls at exactly toddler height. Move the bowls or watch closely.

What to remember

Rehearse the ang bao sequence at home: two hands, greeting first, don’t open it.

Prepare them for the lion dance with videos and ear defenders, and stand at the back.

Two houses a day, protect the nap, leave before the meltdown, and move the nut bowls out of reach.

And when a relative starts on exam results, step in. That’s the thing your child will remember.