Are You A Pushy Parent? 5 Signs That You Have Gone Too Far

Are you the kind of parent who is unknowingly tipping your child over the edge? Here are 5 signs that you are a pushy parent gone too far.

Are you a pushy parent? 5 signs that you have gone too far

As parents, we want our children to excel in their studies and be successful in life, so we feel it is our duty to encourage them to do their best.

However, some parents might take this too far and push their children to their breaking points without even realising it. So how do you know if you have gone too far and are potentially doing more harm than good to your child? Here are 5 signs to watch out for.

Sign #1: You can't get your child to confide in you

A positive two-way communication between you and your child is important to build their self-esteem and for them to know that they can share their feelings with you, get some advice, and have a shoulder to cry on.

Being a pushy parent and excessively strict with your child may make them scared to open up to you about anything and you will miss out on hearing their inner most thoughts, little secrets, and even hopes and aspirations.

Your child might also avoid confiding in you out of fear of being criticised, punished or ridiculed – so watch your tone of voice when speaking to your child, regularly ask them about their day and encourage positive communication so they feel confident to open up their feelings to you.

Sign #2: You name-call and threaten your child

Verbal abuse, such as yelling at your kids, calling them names, putting them down and constantly making threats, may cause emotional trauma and can even affect their academic and social skills.

Insulting and belittling your child by calling them "stupid", "worthless" or "useless", will affect their self-esteem and ability to trust and form healthy relationships in future.

Making threats about bodily harm – whether or not the action is actually carried out – can also make your child fearful and distrustful of you.

Even withholding love and affection from your child and only showing that you care about them only when they behave or score well in their exams can cause deep feelings of anxiety and make them think your love for them is conditional and comes with a price.

Sign #3: Your child shows hints of depression

Although it's hard to pinpoint the exact cause of childhood depression, experts say too much pressure and stress can overwhelm a young person’s coping abilities, causing them to slip into depression.

Signs to watch out for include any mood changes, increased irritability or anger, loss of pleasure in doing things they love, expression of self-blame and hopelessness, change in eating and sleeping patterns, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal, sudden outbursts or crying, and even thoughts of death or suicide.

Please seek immediate professional help for your child if you suspect they are suffering from depression.

Sign #4: You physically punish your child

When your child misbehaves, scores poorly in their exam, or does something you disapprove of, you might be tempted to reach for that cane or mete out punishment you deem necessary.

But studies have shown that corporal punishment can affect the brain’s ability to learn self-control, encourage aggression, delinquency, and even cause mental health problems. Caning, spanking or hitting your child devalues your role as a parent as well as your parent-child relationship and can cause harmful long-term effects down the road.

Physically punishing your child is not an effective way to teach them to behave well or for them to excel in their studies. It can in fact have the exact opposite impact.

Sign #5: Your child is not enjoying his childhood

Amidst all the school work, tuition classes, extra-curricular activities, homework, and other various plans scheduled for them, when will kids be able to just be kids?

Some research has found that a lot of students in Singapore complain about their overwhelming workload, suffer from sleep deprivation and also struggle to have a balanced life.

Although it's important your child does well in his or her studies, it's just as essential for children to play to help with their social competence and emotional development.

It's fine to encourage and guide your children so they can succeed and do well in life, but remember not to go too far and push them over the edge and just let them enjoy their childhood.

Do you think you're doing the right thing by pushing your kids in order for them to excel? Do you agree with the points made above? Let us know your thoughts by commenting in the section below.

Written by

Dew M. Chaiyanara

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