Do you like to please others? Do you have a habit of putting other people’s needs ahead of your own? Do you find it difficult to say “no” even when you truly want to? If this is the case, you may be caught in a people-pleasing trap.
People-pleasing can be a difficult habit to unlearn since it is typically motivated by a deep need for other’s approval. However, engaging in this behaviour for an extended length of time can have disastrous consequences for your sense of self, emotional well-being, and relationships.
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Two Ways To Tell If You Are A People Pleaser
Here are two signs that you’re locked in a people-pleasing cycle, as well as some suggestions for breaking free and creating healthier patterns of behaviour.
1. Is it a means to an end?
Helping others is a nice thing that can boost our self-esteem. When our primary motivation for assisting others is to gain validation and approval, this might be an indication of people-pleasing behaviour.
People-pleasers frequently work from a place of low self-esteem, believing that meeting the needs and desires of others would make them more likeable and useful in the eyes of others. However, as people-pleasers frequently disregard their own needs in the process, this can lead to emotional and mental tiredness.
2. Is it a reflection of your true feelings?
People-pleasers frequently struggle to articulate their own wants and desires because they are frightened of hurting or disappointing others. This might, however, result in a lack of sincerity and emotional separation in their interactions.
Breaking Free From People Pleasing
Breaking away from people pleasing is a critical first step towards living a full and true life. People pleasing behaviour can be harmful to your mental health and relationships since it causes you to put your own wants and desires aside in order to please others.
Here are several methods for breaking free from this behaviour:
1. Practice self-compassion
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Self-compassion is one approach to break free from people-pleasing behaviour. This entails treating yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would extend to a close friend. You can improve your self-esteem and establish healthy behavioural habits by focusing on your own wants and desires.
2. Learn when to say “no”
It is important to establish boundaries and explain your own wants and desires in order to break away from people-pleasing behaviour. This includes learning to say “no” when necessary, as well as voicing your own worries and thoughts in your relationships.
3. Do a self-reflection
Self-reflection is also helpful in overcoming people-pleasing behaviour. You can obtain a better understanding of why you engage in this behaviour and build techniques for breaking free by taking the time to evaluate your own motivations and triggers.
4. Shift from “should” thinking to “could” thinking.
Rather than focusing on what you should be doing to accommodate someone else, assess whether you are capable of doing so. This method allows you to pause and ponder before committing, while also ensuring that your own needs are first.
In a nutshell, people-pleasing can be a difficult habit to quit, but it is critical to remember that there is a better way to live your life than continually seeking acceptance and approval from others. You may break free from the people-pleasing trap and live a more authentic and satisfying life by practising self-compassion, setting boundaries, and communicating your own needs and aspirations.
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