"My Son Ignores Me!"
One of our dads is upset as his son always ignores him. Read the advice given by our readers.
My son (age eight), ignores me whenever I come home from work. I try to talk to him about his day and school, etc during dinner or spend time alone with him on weekend, but he does not like to talk to me. He responds only in yes or no. He is okay with his siblings and my wife, but he just does not want to talk to me. I don't know what to do. Please advice.
Answers from theAsianparent community
Anlinna Lim : Maybe u haf offended him in some ways? Maybe he is unhappy on something u promise but din fulfill? Have some deep thots. U can get ur wife to sound him out.
Mary.m Shysta : First of all kudos for making the effort of trying to talk to your children. Maybe its his personality to be on the reserved side. Take him out, spend the day with just him and him alone. Show him that u can be the fun daddy as well as the daddy who needs to work to earn for the family. Do it many times, sometimes bring his other siblings along. ... Do the same with his other siblings as well.
My hubby and I ensure we each have alone time with each of our children as and when we can. It made us understand each other better on a higher level.
Khairudin Abdul Kadir : communication is key in every relationship. both u and ur son need to be honest with each other, respect each other, apologise when needed, compliment him in front of people.
Ashlee Chua : I always believe that fathers are sons role model. Did you do something wrong that hurt him that makes him lose respect of you?
Lynn Lim Choo : try asking different questions, maybe he doesn't likes the questions you are asking or ask in different way.
Joy Bea Lee : probably yr tone of voice ? try to have fun with him, and blend into his world. Probably he will open to you then ... make him feel comfortable ... u've gotta look at things from his point of view too
Eileen Tan : Bring your boy out for some outdoor activities such as cycling, badminton, playground, play catching...after the activities, have a hearty meal together (must be your boy's favourite food). He will talk non-stop to you while eating!
Aira Mokhtar : be his best friend.
Ava Azlin D' Rossi : Well congrats for making an effort! When I was growing up, my dad rarely made the effort to bond with me and its dragged on till this very day (I'm 27 btw). Find an activity that he likes to do (eg:indoor or outdoor) Make a full day once a week, available for him and yourself to have a dad and son thing.u can start by asking open ended questions ... eand then tell him a couple of things u used to do as a kid that relates to him. Of cos the ben and jerry's does work pretty well with this idea. gd luck!
Steph Loke : maybe d bond isn't there since young? need time to build up
instead o asking him abt sch, talk to him abt his hobbies, his fav band...
ya, being a fren. male bonding helps. all d best
Aisha Ghafar : Find out what he likes and do it together. Take the xtra step in fulfilling his dreams. Eg, he likes drawing, get him THE pencil colours that he had always wanted. and then sit and draw with him. kids are kids. no harm in a small kinda 'bribery' but you gotta follow up with time spent too. he'll appreciate you.
Annabel Chua : try spending more time with him, bring him out often and have some quality father & son private time. Most importantly, keep your promise if you had promised him something, otherwise, the trust he built on you will be destroyed
Samantha Yeap : VIDEO GAMES!!!! Try playing a two player game together. Mario-Kart Wii is a good one to start with.
Candy Chee : b playful... omit the school things.. they had enuf from school liao...
Shirley Soh Sally : yah i agree wif samantha & candy..prob he juz wanna haf fun wif u ba..skool stuff juz bore him out
TheAsianParent : Hi Dad - I think it's great that you are trying to reach out to your son! Like what some of the other parents are suggesting, I think you should try to have a heart to heart with him, and ask him if daddy has done anything to upset him. Also, reassure him that you love him no matter what, and do not be afraid to apologise if he feels you have hurt him in some way.
Also, try to engage in a topic he might be interested in - soccer perhaps? Good luck! Please keep us posted on the progress!
Rita William : If yr son is upset with you over something then you need to talk to him to clear the air. If you have not spent time with him since young but now realise you want to, then give him time to get used to that. Maybe you can check with your wife if she knows why he's not talking to you - she most probably will know the answer.
Patricia Alvisse : Have a heart to heart talk with him, tell him that you are not only a dad to him but a friend. Pray for guidance and wisdom from God. God bless
Christy Ylk : My son too seldom talks to his father. He always calls me to be his middle person to convey messages. He is fearful because his father is very strict to him even though his father spends time with him. To be near to our children, we need to build a strong relationship with them. We need to know their likes and dislikes, understand and feel together... what they are going through in their life. What I usually do is to hug them and kiss their forehead as they begin their day and before they go to sleep. I believe as I do that, in the middle of the day as they face the storms of their life, they will remember of my presence being with them. Spending time and talking to children are not enough. They need your love, care, understanding and help as they grow up. I believe you can overcome your problem. Give him and yourself some time. Relationship does not build up over night but progressively. Cheer up!
Dyerra Sherry : spend more time with him..try to do things he do like his hobbies, and get yrself involved in it with him, frm der slowly talk things with him as a 'fren', hopefully he's open his heart to finally realised ur a gd dad & u loves him:)
Chuyan Kwek : Recommend you to read the book 'The five love languages of children" by Gary Chapman.
Andy Ang : I am also a dad, a teacher. Maybe talk to wife and other kids to help you, dun do this alone. You need support. Find his likes and dislikes. Do not over-indulge, but spend time with him and be sincere in complimenting him. Worked with special needs kids before and kids with low self-esteem. Your boy may be sensitive to certain remarks or acts that you might have done. You forgot. He didn't. The baggage may still be on his shoulder. Jiayou, and good luck.
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