With the pandemic creating a “new normal” across the globe, it’s no surprise that parents have a lot on their plates. They are trying not only to adapt to this post-COVID life themselves but also helping their kids adjust to it as well. However, all of this balancing can sometimes lead to them making some important oversights.
Obviously, mums and dads aren’t expected (and probably shouldn’t) to micromanage every little thing their children do, but there are quite a number of behaviours that should never go unnoticed when rearing a child. These could have stemmed from being quarantined inside the home, or not being able to socialise with their friends, or going out only with masks! Their frustrations could stem from anything.
1. Showing some attitude
When children show their parents a little bit of sass, they’re displaying a small lack of authority towards you and possibly other authority figures. You may think your child mimicking you, rolling their eyes, or snapping back at you is simply a phase. But if you don’t address it as soon as possible, this attitude could soon develop into a long-standing trait.
It may especially be hard on them nowadays since they are staying at home most of the time. Being cooped up in the house can cause your kiddo to feel annoyed. So much so that not even their favourite toys or TV shows can calm their agitation.
Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Don’t Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them, says, “Some parents ignore it because they think it’s a passing phase, but if you don’t confront it, you may find yourself with a disrespectful third-grader who has a hard time making and keeping friends and getting along with teachers and other adults.”
A great way to counteract this behaviour and nip it in the bud is to deny your children a reaction to such behaviour. For instance, if they mimic you when you tell them to do something, you can walk away. Or, you can tell them something along the lines of, “I can’t hear you when you talk that way. Why don’t you say something more constructive if you want a response.”
2. Interrupting you when you’re talking
Even if your child is just ignoring you because they’re excited to tell you something, parents should ignore it when their children interrupt them. By allowing your child to develop the habit of interrupting you, you’re nurturing a habit that teaches them it’s okay to be inconsiderate of others.
Psychologist Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, co-author of Getting Your Child From No to Yes, says “As a result, [your child will] think that she’s entitled to other people’s attention and won’t be able to tolerate frustration.”
If you find your child interrupting you at any point and time, be sure to let them know that they must wait their turn to speak. Tell them that you weren’t done speaking. And, that it’s rude to not let you (or anyone) finish their thought before they butt in. Be sure to let them know that interrupting you won’t get them anywhere and that you won’t accept such behaviour.
Also, try to remember that after spending so much time at home away from their friends, your child may be in need of proper social interaction. So to help them develop their social skills, talk to your child as much as you can so they can continue to learn how to behave appropriately when conversing with someone. Talking is, after all, one of the best child behaviour management strategies.
3. Horseplay
Children are bound to play boisterously or get a little out of hand from time to time. However, there is still a limit on how rough parents should let them play. Furthermore, if your children are being too rough, you should step in and not ignore such behaviour. It can lead to bad habits and aggressive behaviour.
“If you don’t intervene, rough behaviour can become an entrenched habit by age 8. Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable,” says Dr Borba.
Whenever you see your children displaying aggressive, rough behaviour, you should aim to confront them immediately. Teach them the importance of “The Golden Rule” (i.e. treat others the way you’d want to be treated). Also, make sure they know that playing roughly isn’t acceptable and it can lead to them hurting others.
It’s always important to teach our children to be kind and respectful to their peers, especially with how easy the anonymity of the internet can hurt someone with just a single malicious comment. Nurture kindness in your child and let them understand how their actions can affect others whether physically or through words.
4. Pretending not to hear you
If you find yourself repeating yourself as a result of your child pretending he/she can’t hear you, don’t let them get away with ignoring you. In the long run, what you’re supporting is the idea that it’s okay to disregard your commands or wishes.
“Tuning you out is a power play, and if you allow the behaviour to continue, your child is likely to become defiant and controlling,” psychologist Kevin Leman, PhD, author of First-Time Mum: Getting Off on the Right Foot — From Birth to First Grade.
“Reminding your child again and again just trains her to wait for the next reminder rather than to pay attention to you the first time you tell her something.”
If your child is ignoring you as you give them a command from one room over, try walking over and directly confronting them. Since they have been spending all this time at home (thanks to COVID-19!), you might find that your child has become too absorbed with online games or watching television.
Demand eye contact when you’re talking to them in order to ensure that what you say is being heard and understood. If they still refuse to listen, offer a consequence for their misconduct such as halting screen time usage for the day. Remember that yelling and at them and arguing continuously is not an effective child behaviour management strategy.
5. Exaggerating the truth
Children exaggerating the truth happens more than you may know. For instance, if you tell your kid to make their bed and they say they did, when it’s quite evident that they put minimal effort into the given chore then they’ve exaggerated the truth.
Such minor misbehaviour is disrespectful to parents. It can even foster further dishonesty, like lying to peers. They may have already begun to exaggerate or lie to their friends if you’re yet to fix this bad behaviour.
“Lying can become automatic if your child learns that it’s an easy way to make himself look better, to avoid doing something that he doesn’t want to do, or to prevent getting into trouble for something he’s already done,” Dr. Wyckoff claims.
To fix this behaviour, try to set the record with your kids whenever applicable. Sit them down, and tell them that you know the truth. Ask them to admit to you outrightly as well.
Be sure to teach lessons like “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” in order to teach them about the negative consequences of lying. With how important reliable information is nowadays since the pandemic and how easily fake news can spread, try to teach your child accountability.
From this point on, if you’re able to call their bluff, make sure they admit the truth and rectify the situation.
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