Masturbation After Marriage: Yay or Nay?

Masturbation after marriage is often seen as bad. But for a lot of couples, this is good too. It really depends on the context that precludes or frames masturbation within marriage.

Marriage advice website TheMarriageBed took an informal survey in 2013 that asked how often respondents masturbate. Well, actually they said “self-stimulation to orgasm while not with one’s spouse.” But that’s too long-winded.

Around 85% of the male respondents said they masturbated within the previous three months. A mere 15% thought their wives knew about it, and more than 17% were sure their wives were clueless.

Masturbation after marriage, harmful?

Is it really harmful? Psychology Today did some investigating and found that masturbation fills a void that a spouse can’t fill when they’re unwilling or unable to engage in mutual sexual activity.

Spouses who do not masturbate report displeasure at discovering their partner masturbating. They are more likely to blame themselves, but not in a way that anyone expects. Instead of blaming their own unwillingness or inability to engage in sex, they think they’re being boring, making their spouse unhappy.

Psychology Today didn’t stop there, though. They cited research that indicated that masturbation in a relationship can be healthy. Masturbation here is not considered a substitute, but a prompt to even more mutual sexual activity. However, this is only the case in marriages where one spouse isn’t resistant to the other for any reason at all.

Box of tissues next to a computer displaying an out-of-focus detail of the 1866 painting The Sleepers by Gustave Courbet.

Masturbation after marriage can be good too

David Schnarch, Ph.D, director of The Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado says as much. “For some couples, it’s a breach. For others, it’s not.”

Meanwhile, Prevention Magazine said that masturbation relieves stress and encourages self-satisfaction. These two effects can contribute to a happier and more satisfying marriage.

The magazine’s entire support of masturbation indicated that it doesn’t negatively affect libido, but rather, stimulates it. It may lead to self-discovery, which can affect mutual sexual encounters.

Masturbation after marriage isn’t cheating

Prevention Magazine emphasizes that when a spouse masturbates, it’s not cheating. He or she is keeping it at home, which, honestly, is a good thing. If masturbation removes sexual issues and problems from a marriage, it’s a win.

It’s the emotional aspect of it that affects marriage. It’s something that has to come up in a conversation, and both parties must deal with it.

Masturbation itself is one form of sex. If masturbation is a good experience, then it can spill over into mutual sexual intercourse. Many couples masturbate together and find it an enjoyable part of their relationship.

YOU CAN ALSO READ: Watching porn is likely to ruin your relationship, study says.