For married couples who are not new to squabbles, relationship stresses, and everything else that makes you want to rip each other’s heads off, divorce is often the first and best solution that comes to mind. And to many, ending all of one’s problems also means happiness.
But, what do the experts say? What is the science behind divorce? Will it really make life much happier? How much unburdening can a divorce do? And if it does make a hurt spouse much happier, in what ways? Are they otherwise complete after one?
All of our burning questions about life after a divorce – you will find answers to in this article. We’ve gathered concrete pieces of information that will help all of us have a better understanding of what divorce can do. So, keep on reading to find out more.
What Divorce Is Like in Singapore
Every country has unique rules about divorce, and Singapore is not any different. Unlike in Hollywood, you cannot just divorce a spouse months after marriage.
According to the country’s Divorce Law, couples have to be married for at least 3 years before they can file for a divorce. In the event that a divorce is truly necessary before that 3-year mark, filing spouses should be able to prove the cruelty of their partners.
You can file for divorce if your marriage has undoubtedly had any one of these four cases: (1) adultery, (2)unreasonable behaviour, (3)desertion, and (4)separation. So, if your reasoning for divorcing your spouse is because you just simply do not get along and cannot prove that in court, the justice system can deny you divorce.
In other words, these rules essentially just say: when you decide to marry a person, you ought to be super sure, because if expectations are not met and you want a divorce, you might not be able to get one. You just might end up getting stuck with the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
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The Good News
So, that was the bad news. Getting divorced in Singapore is not as easy as how it looks in those movies. But, for this generation of married couples, we might start to see a decline in divorce rates. The reason behind it is simply millennials deciding to marry later.
The average age of people getting married today is between 27 and 30 years old. A biological anthropologist at Rutgers University found that many millennials are marrying later because they want to experience dating before deciding to marry. So, there is an implication that these couples have had enough experience to know who and when to marry and therefore avoid the incidence of divorce.
But, that is only for some. There are still a number of couples whose wisdom of relationships might not be sufficient to survive an abusive relationship.
Why Couples Get Divorced
The causes of divorce are not only many but different for every couple. But, the most common are the following:
Polygamy, adultery, infidelity – it has many names, but it has one outcome – a divorce. Because naturally, why would you want to stay with a person who promised themselves to you for the rest of their lives but lent a bit of themselves to others?
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They can use their hands, their entire body, and even their words to abuse you. And, all you’re thinking is how to get out.
These abusers need therapists, but you are not one. So leaving a marriage, because you know you can’t get rid of their dark sides is valid. You can try couple therapy. But, if the abuser struggles to change, you, the abused spouse, deserve an out.
Oh, if only we can sue our own dopamines for the terrible decisions we make in life, there would be less blame on people. But, alas, being madly in love is no one else’s fault but our own. The lack of levelheadedness at a young age is of course not the only reason why young marriages don’t last. Financial issues could be a factor too.
They say, “money makes the world go round.” In marriages, money makes a couple go round and round in arguments. For some couples, the issue is a shortage. Couples point fingers at who spends next. Who is going to pay for groceries this time? You’re making more than me, so you should pay for it. Yada, yada.
And for some, the issue is their differences in spending habits. One spouse might be an extravagant shopper while the other is a thrifty saver. That combination is an explosion waiting to happen.
That Said, Is Divorce the Solution?
Now, onto determining the effectiveness of divorce in finding one’s happiness. Does it truly resolve a couple’s issues? Can it improve one’s mental degradation caused by an abusive spouse?
The answer boils down to the reason why you’re divorcing your spouse. If your partner breaks your heart and affected your mental health, you are not going to find healing through a divorce alone. It can get you to the door of healing, but the rest of the way, you’d have to walk on your own.
If your partner abused you in any way, you’d have to get yourself a therapist, go to all of your sessions, and begin your journey towards healing. If you couldn’t focus on being a good parent because of your partner, divorce is not going to suddenly turn you into one. You’d have to make the effort to.
If you want a divorce because you want peace, guess what: you can get it, but not without challenges.
You have to physically, mentally, and emotionally prepare for many things like your finances, doing everything yourself, your kids and their resentment, the shame of your family and loved ones, your unwilling co-parent, and so on and so forth. Those kinds of things will definitely not give you peace – not unless you figure out how to get it yourself.
Benefits of Getting a Divorce
If done for the right reasons, your divorce from an abusive partner can lead to many benefits:
An unhappy marriage causes mental stress. And as we all know, mental stress also affects physical health. When you eliminate the problem (figuratively), you remove such stress from your body, leaving yourself more room for working on your physical health.
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Prepares you for a better relationship
Divorce can help you discover your self-worth and become more aware of what an abusive relationship is like. Because of that, you can avoid red flags.
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Can impact your children in a positive way
The effects of divorce on the children are perhaps the biggest reason why many struggling couples decide against divorcing because the truth is: they will be affected. But, if handled well, co-parenting with your ex-spouse can turn your kids into empathetic, responsible, levelheaded, communicative, and nurturing individuals.
When they see that marriage can turn into divorce, they’ll put a great value on marriage and ensure they choose the right person and the right time before marrying. They’ll also see the importance of knowing one’s self-worth and make sure to put that into consideration before marrying anyone.
So, if you’re wondering whether divorce is the answer to your marital problems, look back on this article and try to see if you’re doing it for the right reasons. Otherwise, regroup with your partner and discuss ways you can resolve your conflicts without resulting in divorce.
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