Rape is arguably the only crime where the victim gets blamed for the crime, sometimes as much as the perpetrator!
“She shouldn’t have worn such revealing clothing, or accepted that drink, or flirted with him…” are just some of the hurtful accusations often thrown at rape victims. However, a letter written by Finn Wrightman to her teenage son seems to have hit the nail on the head with regards to this controversial issue with her strong views.
Key points of the letter
The letter is quite lengthy at a word count of more than 1500 words but here is a key excerpt taken from the letter to save you the hassle of reading it.
‘So let’s be absolutely perfectly clear: Sexual acts that take place without consent are rape, and the only thing that means yes is the word yes.
Not saying no does not mean yes.
Not fighting you off does not mean yes.
Not being awake does not mean yes.
Not being sober does not mean yes.
No type of clothing – or absence of clothing – means yes.
No amount of previous partners means yes.
Accepting a drink does not mean yes. Going out to dinner does not mean yes. Accepting a lift home in your car does not mean yes, and neither does an invitation in for coffee.
Sitting next to you on the sofa does not mean yes. A gasp, sigh or returned caress does not mean yes. Erect flesh is not a yes – cold, fear and even death can all cause the body to mimic the signs of sexual arousal. A yes to a kiss does not mean you can assume a yes to anything else. Never assume. Let me repeat that: NEVER ASSUME.
Resist the dangerous temptation to hope a kiss will just drift into something more without talking about it. Understand that ‘trying it on’ or ‘pushing your luck’ or imagining you’re correctly ‘reading the signs’ are all just polite euphemisms for being willing to risk committing a sexual assault in the hope that your feelings are reciprocated.
Seriously, don’t. Every single woman I know can reel off experiences with this. Don’t be that guy.
The word yes is the only 100% unambiguous yes.
So, how do you get to yes? You ask. Really, it’s that simple. Ask the question, hear the answer, and respond accordingly. Even if it’s not the answer you were hoping for.
Especially if it’s not the answer you were hoping for. That’s the difference between two people enjoying sex together, and one person sexually assaulting the other. The only reliable invitations to sex are clear, unambiguous, and verbal. If asking and affirming seem too embarrassing to contemplate, then maybe you just aren’t ready for sex with another person.’
A letter every child should read
While most of our sons will never be regarded as a rapist, this letter is still useful, particularly for any teenage boy. Teenage boys are at the presumptuous age where they are still trying to figure out how the mind of girls works.
Unfortunately, girls are not easy to figure out. Apart from confused teenage boys, I believe everyone should read this letter, especially for the critics who often throw ridiculous accusations at rape victims.
This letter gets right to the core issue, which is that rape, fundamentally shows a lack of respect for another human being. The faster this message is spread, the better off society will be.
Read the full letter here: Source
