Relationship expert Ian Kerner started feeling confused and conflicted after he and his wife got their first baby. He didn’t totally understand what was happening to him but his nights were usually sleepless, not to mention sexless and hard up. Just as he thought that things would start to get better, their second baby came and things just became crazier.
He found himself thinking about sex even while listening to his wife reading a story by Dr. Seuss. While he was feeling hard up and demented, his wife looked like she was totally in love. He felt like he was the third wheel intruding on his wife’s blissful relationship with someone else. The object of her affection?
Their baby.
Experts say that we all have “eros” in us. It is a force that motivates us to love and to create. For mothers, doting, cuddling, feeding and fussing over their babies are wonderful expressions of this powerful force. When couples are newly-married, the only object of a wife’s eros is her husband. But as soon as the first baby is born, things totally change.
Wives can become so busy fawning over their babies that they don’t even notice their husbands at all. This usually makes men feel rejected and depressed.
Therapist Esther Perel advises couples to redirect eros back into their relationships. Wives should learn to reallocate energy back into their intimacy with their husbands. Maintaining balance is important in achieving a healthy family life.
So husbands, next time you feel like you’re the third wheel in your wife’s relationship with your baby, reach out to her and tell her that you miss her. Just hope that she’ll acknowledge you and reciprocate your attention.
