Can you discipline a baby? When can you start to discipline a baby?
When your baby gets older, it’s normal for her to start showing some attitude—throwing tantrums, wilfully defying your orders, and so forth. It’s hard enough disciplining an older child, even more so with a toddler, who you can barely reason with. But disciplining a baby? Is that even possible?
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How to discipline a baby
As parents, we all struggle with the word “discipline.” Statements like “You have no discipline,” or “You have to discipline your child,” don’t sit well with us. It has such a negative connotation tied to it, that we feel that having to discipline our child is something hard and we have to be very harsh about it.
We also adhere to different forms and styles of discipline. Some believe that discipline is done by punishment or removing privileges. It’s really a hard thing to navigate, probably one of the hardest things about being a parent.
But it really doesn’t have to be that way. As parents, the responsibility of disciplining our children falls on our hands. But we also have the say on HOW we do it.
We don’t have to follow the strict, authoritarian style of our elders. We don’t have to hurt or spank our children, in order to show them that what they did was wrong.
In fact, the authoritative style of parenting believes that discipline is less about correcting behaviour and more about teaching children skills that help them behave according to developmentally-appropriate expectations.
Did you know that the word “discipline” comes from the Latin word “disciplina,” which means “teaching?” So how to discipline a baby is not always about punishing, but teaching and helping a child learn how to act and think.
How soon can you discipline a baby?
According to Dr Harvey Karp, a paediatrician, and author of the bestselling book “The Happiest Baby on the Block,” you can discipline your baby as early as 8 months.
“Discipline in its simplest forms can start as soon as 8 months of age. You will know it is time when your once powerless little baby repeatedly slaps your face or pulls off your glasses…and laughs hysterically,” he wrote.
Prior to that age, you can set the stage for good behaviour. At 0 to 4 months, it is absolutely impossible to spoil a child (so you shouldn’t feel guilty for carrying him around as much), but you can already start to set the stage by laying a foundation of trust between you and your child, the main ingredient for effective discipline.
Start building your relationship with your baby by responding to his needs (feeding him when he’s hungry, changing or dressing him when he’s wet or cold, holding him when he’s upset), and interacting with him in meaningful ways.
How to discipline a 3-month-old baby or younger
According to The American Academy of Pediatrics and renowned parenting experts, “effective discipline relies on a warm, supportive relationship between parent and child”.
You can begin developing that relationship as soon as your kid is born by feeding him when he is hungry, changing or clothes him when he is wet or cold, hugging him when he is distressed, and engaging in meaningful interactions with him.
How to discipline a 6-month old baby
At 4 to 8 months, your baby still can’t grasp the concept of right and wrong, but he is now starting to explore, which means he can start doing things like grabbing objects and putting them in his mouth. This is where it starts to get tricky.
You can protect your child and set limits by removing opportunities for him to grab (this is why babyproofing your home is important). Put all of the things you don’t want the baby to touch or pull, away from his reach and line of sight. You can also distract him and redirect his attention to something else.
Around 6 months old, your baby will begin to understand what the word “NO” means by the tone of your voice when you say it. It’s a powerful word that stops your baby in his tracks before he does something that can put him at risk.
But experts recommend reserving it for times of danger or aggressive behaviour like hitting or biting. You can use alternative words that also explain to your baby why the behaviour is unwanted. For example,“ We don’t play with trash because it’s dirty. Let’s find a toy you can play with instead.” It’s a good way to start teaching your child about boundaries.
While this is how to discipline a 6-month old baby, according to Dr Karp, at 8 months, you can start proactively disciplining your baby by using age-appropriate discipline techniques.
How to discipline baby at 9 months old
Close to the 4 to 6-month mark, your baby is fond of grabbing, rolling, and crawling at this age. Discipline your child by employing the Prevent, Distract, Redirect strategy.
- Prevent – Take away his chances of grabbing or mouthing items you don’t want him to. It is also important to babyproof your home to keep your youngster safe from any potentially dangerous objects.
- Distract – Remember, your kid isn’t pushing boundaries at this age; he’s just interested. Distract him by saying something like, “Oh look what I have here!” when you notice him heading for something that he isn’t allowed to touch or grab.
- Redirect – Give him a toy, sing to him or take him outside. If he can’t stop himself from grabbing your glasses or putting keys, jewellery or other stuff in his mouth, simply offer him entertaining, mouth-friendly toys as an alternative.
How to discipline a 1 year old
One strategy is to completely disregard it. If your child is expecting a reaction from you, ignore the behaviour (as long as it isn’t unsafe).
If ignoring him doesn’t work, inform him with a neutral expression, “We don’t toss food.” At this point, gestures are used to emphasize the information. For example, by shaking your head while mimicking throwing food during the first sentence, nodding your head while mimicking putting food in your mouth during the second.
How to discipline a baby – some things to take note of
As mentioned earlier, there are different ways to discipline a child, which you as the parent have the final say on. Here are some expert-backed rules for us to follow when disciplining our young children:
1. Discipline with love
Remember that however you choose to discipline your child, you should always do it with love. Discipline is not forcing your child to behave a certain way but is about wanting the best for your child. After disciplining your child, always reassure her that you love her. For example, by offering a hug.
2. Present a united front
If you think that you have a good cop/bad cop dynamic in your home, this should be fixed. Your child is smart—she’ll quickly pick up on who she can approach to get her own way, and in the end, it’ll get even more difficult to correct her behaviour. Consistency is key.
3. Remember, there’s no such thing as a “naughty” child
Young children have underdeveloped impulse control—they aren’t even capable of having cruel or evil intentions. So it’s important to note that no matter how bad your child acts, she’s not a “naughty” child.
In fact, if you find yourself calling your child “naughty,” you should stop—she might think you’re labelling her instead of her behaviour. Instead, explain what she did wrong.
4. Understand your child
Children tend to behave badly if parents are impatient and unreasonable instead of understanding and meeting their needs. Your child is still young and has not learned how to cope with feelings like boredom, hunger, and tiredness. Sometimes we just need to be patient.
5. Establish rules
Some parents end up giving their children too much leeway, tolerating bad behaviour. However, the younger your child is, the more boundaries she needs. By not addressing bad behaviour while your child is young, it can be difficult to change them later on as they become used to their bad behaviours.
6. To spank or not to spank?
Though many of us were spanked as children and “turned out fine,” experts say that corporal punishment not only hurt children physically but also can damage children psychologically.
Studies have shown that children who are spanked are more likely to have issues with depression, substance abuse, and anger as adults.
“Hitting children teaches them that it is okay for big people to hit little people and that it is okay to vent anger through violence,” adds Dr Karp.
Therefore, if possible, it is always better to hold back on the spanking and utilise other techniques to discipline your child instead.
7. Timeouts and toddlers
For kids aged two and upwards, timeouts in safe and quiet corners are effective techniques to get children to calm down. Experts advise setting a minute for your child’s age. For example, a two-year-old child would get two minutes, and a four-year-old would get four.
8. Distract your baby
For younger children, parents can try distracting the infant to prevent full-blown meltdowns. Redirect your child’s unhappiness and discomfort with fun activities, like a game or a song. Who hasn’t tried amusing a picky eater with a “choo-choo” spoon?
9. Reserve the punishment
Should you really punish your child (such as time outs and cancelling privileges), just do it in times that matter. What are those?
“I suggest reserving punishment for what I call red-light behavior. That is when your child breaks the rules you have decided you will not compromise on—when she is doing something dangerous (running into the street), acting aggressive (hitting, biting, being cruel), or breaking an important family rule (no drawing on the walls),” explains Dr. Karp.
10. Teach self-regulating and coping skills
Remember, discipline should be less about punishing and more about teaching. And self-regulation is a very important skill for babies to learn.
To prevent more tantrums and meltdowns in the future, teach your child how to control his emotions and positive, non-aggressive ways to express them. Some examples are mindfulness techniques like meditating or taking deep breaths and counting to 10 when he starts feeling upset.
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How to discipline your baby when he is throwing tantrums
Your baby throwing a tantrum can be really stressful. Not just for your kid but also for you. Save both of yourself by taking these how to discipline baby tantrums tips into mind.
1. Relax and take a deep breath, mum
If both of you are shouting at each other, you’re not going to go anywhere with your child. Spanking your child is also not a good idea, since it will simply aggravate the tantrum. Take a deep breath and get control of your emotions before disciplining your child by reassuring them that tantrums are not appropriate behaviour.
2. Don’t give in
Don’t give in if your youngster still won’t settle down and you know the tantrum is a ruse to attract your attention. It’s easier said than done, but if you stick to your guns, the time will pass and they’ll realise that you’re serious and their tantrum isn’t going to work. Your child will stop screaming once they understand the temper tantrum isn’t getting them anywhere.
3. Time out
Hold your child tightly to calm them down if they are unhappy to the point of being inconsolable or out of control. Tell them you love them but you’re not going to give them what they want in a gentle manner.
If that doesn’t work, take them out of the situation and put them in a time-out. A time-out should last one minute each year of the child’s age as a general rule.
If you feel like you’re losing control, it’s also fine to take a pause. Place your infant in a safe place, such as a crib or a playpen, and take a few minutes to gather your thoughts.
Image source: iStock
Updates by Camille Eusebio