Miscarriages aren’t uncommon. According to WebMD, as many as 15-25% of recognized pregnancies end in miscarriages, and even more happen unnoticed (before the woman realizes that she was pregnant). The frequency of pregnancy loss doesn’t make the pain of losing a baby any less pronounced.
You and your partner are probably in a lot of pain right now, but remember that you have each other to lean on. By supporting each other, you can help yourself through this grief. Here are some pointers that will help you support your partner.
Men and miscarriage: How to support each other
1. Open up about how you’re hurting too
People don’t usually think about an expectant father’s grief after a pregnancy, because they’re mostly concerned with the woman. But men are also affected by pregnancy losses. You might think that you should put your feelings on the back-burner and be the “strong” one, but this can actually make you and your partner feel more isolated and lonely in your grief. Talking it out with her and letting her know that she’s not alone will go a long way in helping both of you process your feelings.
2. Don’t judge her for her feelings
Not all women respond to a miscarriage with sadness. Some will be able to recover from a pregnancy loss quickly, while others become lost in their grief. These are all valid ways to feel after a pregnancy loss, and though you may not feel the same way she does, you shouldn’t judge her for her own emotions.
3. Find help and educate yourself
Even the most well-meaning man will have a difficult time supporting his partner after a miscarriage if he doesn’t know what on earth he’s doing. You can look for support groups, consult a professional, or ask other couples who have been through the same thing for advice.
4. Take care of yourself
If you’re feeling down in the dumps after a pregnancy loss, don’t feel guilty if you have to take some time for yourself to recover. Whether that means going on a long hike or starting a new DIY project, treating yourself will allow you to recharge and take care of your partner even more effectively.
5. Don’t blame your partner
You and your partner are on the same team. Work through this loss together and let it strengthen your relationship. Tell her over and over again that you love her, and show that by respecting and supporting her through her grief.
READ: Dealing with anxiety and struggles that comes after a miscarriage
