Getting pregnant after five years of marriage was very happy news for me and my husband. We were extremely excited and looking forward to our parenthood journey.
Till that time, we had experienced a carefree and free life with late-night movies, dining, and roaming around Singapore over weekends, lazing on the bed until late noon and many more things that a couple would do.
I had always enjoyed working, sewing, gardening, baking, cooking and sometimes yoga; and I always kept myself busy and occupied.
When I was nearing the delivery date, we decided to head back to our home country so that we get help from parents to take care of the little one and myself during postpartum.
Hormonal Changes During Pregnancy Made Things Quite Difficult
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All through pregnancy, I was very happy and active. I did a lot of yoga towards the end of pregnancy since my baby was in breech. After many attempts of yoga and acupuncture, we decided to go for an elective caesarean.
Once we were discharged from the hospital, there was suddenly too much pressure for everything. Till the baby’s birth, everyone took care of me so well and I was pampered all the time.
No one warned me of so many restrictions that would come along with the baby’s birth. And there came in many, many unexpected rules.
Cannot touch cold water, must keep warm all the time, food restrictions, cannot bathe regularly, no television, no phone, no reading books, or newspaper along with many challenges like latching baby, coping up with C-section, back pain, sleepless nights, restless days, baby vaccinations, baby jaundice. and the list went on.
We did not have a concept of nanny there. It’s usually our mums that help us care for us and our babies. My mum was diabetic and her stress levels also went high.
I was angry that my husband did not show much concern for me
I imagined that all these challenges will only last during the initial days and slowly everything will go back to normal. However, even after two months things were all the same. My husband returned to Singapore after the first few weeks and he would just have a call with me for a few minutes.
I was completely lost and felt as if only I was struggling to cope with the world and everyone else had a normal life. One thing that I expected then was a good amount of conversation from a loved person to forget all the pain. But due to time differences and baby calls, phone calls were as short as five minutes or less.
With all this happening, my anxiety levels went up and I felt lonelier. This, even though I had my parents with me all the time. I was angry that my husband did not show much concern for me.
This continued for a few months. And I did try many times to call back or extend online calls with him. Sometimes, he would just say, “getting another call, will call back” and I would wait for another few hours and go back to sleep without any calls.
After a while, I just couldn’t tolerate this kind of behaviour, especially with baby’s increasing responsibility and stress only getting worse.
I had lost my energy due to depression. I felt sleep-deprived and exhausted all the time. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants but I somehow wanted to do some self-help before taking them.
Since I could not help my mother physically, her workload increased, and she also became upset with me.
Having To Handle My Baby, Work And Nausea
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I moved to my in-law’s house thinking my days may get better there. My mother-in-law is a very occupied person. With her busy schedule, I had to take care of the baby alone most of the time. Because of this, I gathered the courage to come back to Singapore.
And I am glad I decided to come back.
I took care of my baby alone for six months, after my parents helped me settle down initially.
My brother helped for a month too. My husband was co-operating more than I thought. Things slowly fell into place as the baby grew up too. We hired a helper and I re-joined my previous colleagues who had all moved to the next project.
And then came my second pregnancy.
This time, depressive thoughts kicked in much earlier–in the second trimester.
My husband and I had arguments related to the helper, financial issues, property and so much more. Every discussion led to fights and I was more fragile this time with so much emotional stress.
Add to this– work from home–which increased the stress as we had to take care of my hyperactive toddler, manage work, and my nausea. With every argument, I only became weaker, and my hands and body shivered every time, I cried so much, felt helpless and lonelier.
I felt things going out of my control at one point. That’s when I started opening up to my friends.
Nothing helped until I shared with one of my previous colleague and that was a game-changer. She understood my point of view and instead of consoling or supporting me, she explained that I could be overthinking.
She further explained that over a period–these thoughts which took over my head and heart–may not really matter. Or even if they matter, this was not the right time for me to focus on them. She made me understand that I needed to take things on a lighter note and let go of everything that bothered me.
I am glad I discussed with her and started putting my thoughts and time into other things. It did benefit me in having a peaceful mind.
I started yoga and guided meditation. Things started getting better and I happily gave birth to a boy.
Today, he is eight-months-old.
I am still feeding him and do see blues occasionally but managed to kick the depression far far away.
Tips For Managing Hormonal Changes During And After Pregnancy
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Pregnancy can be a complicated time for mums but it’s important to not lose sight of the bigger picture. Here are a few tips to manage hormonal changes:
- Prepare yourself for postpartum restrictions, if any. Talk to your parents and family and know what to expect.
- The first few months may not be very easy going with sleepless nights. It’s normal.
- Take a nap when the baby sleeps. Keep the handphone away and take as much rest as possible.
- Take the help of a good daycare centre when it gets too stressful.
- Take things lightly especially those that may disturb you. This may not be the right time to think about them.
- When you feel heavy, share with a trusted friend who can point to you and tell you that maybe you’re wrong and need to correct your ways.
- You may feel lonely in the presence of everybody, but try to be as engaged as possible with them.
- Try yoga, meditation, soothing music, and anything that calms the mind.
- Stop and cut the negative thoughts when you feel dragged down.
- Counselling might help. Go for a few sessions and try it if self-help does not work.
- Read more on positive thinking and stay positive. Change the perspective of seeing things and this may make things better.
This article was written by VIP Parent Bachu Roopa Sathyanarayana Murthy for theAsianparent.
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