Hey guys, can we stop blaming women for their partners' toxic behaviour already?
It's 2018 — why are women still everyone's favourite scapegoats?
Whenever a man acts up, who ends up being blamed for everything in a relationship?
After Mac Miller died from a suspected overdose, people wasted no time blaming Ariana Grande for his death. Soon after the news of his death broke out, the hashtag #ArianaKilledMacMiller was trending on Twitter and Instagram, forcing Ariana to disable comments on the latter platform.
— he who tweets (@march_madman) September 8, 2018
To be clear: Mac Miller’s death is not Ariana Grande’s fault because she broke up with him. It’s her fault because she broke up with him after dating for 2 years, and then got engaged to someone else after dating for 2 weeks. That type of stuff would mess anyone up, man.
— Kristina (@ItsKristineth) September 12, 2018
— Marielle (@mariellecupcake) September 9, 2018
People close to Grande and Miller know how good she was to the late rapper. On the podcast The Shane Show, Miller's friend Shane Powers talked about how "incredible" Grande was at supporting Miller's sobriety.
"Ariana and him were together and they were very much in love, and I have to say, she was incredible when he was first sobering up. She was a f*cking G to him. There could not have been anybody more supportive of him being sober than Ariana.
"I saw that, I was around it, I took phone calls from her, 'How do I help? What do I do?' This little girl was unbelievably involved and helpful to him being healthy. Because whether he's an addict or not, the way that Mac partied was not healthy."
Grande has taken a lot of heat for getting involved in a whirlwind romance with comedian Pete Davidson so soon after her breakup with Miller. Soon after the news of her engagement with Davidson broke out, Miller totalled his car while driving under the influence, and as expected, many of his fans blamed Grande for how he was failing to cope.
She clapped back with this:
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 23, 2018
This time around, Grande has been so consumed with grief that she hasn't defended herself. Her only response to the news of Miller's death has been a captionless photo of the late rapper on Instagram.
"She completely broke down after she found out about Mac," one insider told People. "She can't believe he isn't here anymore. He was such a special person to her. She is very, very sad... This is a nightmare for her."
Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to stay in toxic relationships, and the fact that people are making Miller's death about his ex does the late rapper a great disservice.
Being Blamed for Everything in a Relationship: Women as Scapegoats
This isn't a new phenomenon by any means. Women have been blamed for their partners' actions since the beginning of time — quite literally. (See: The Garden of Eden.)
When Avicii died by suicide, trolls came after his girlfriend Tereza Kacerova. To this day, people still blame Courtney Love for causing Kurt Cobain's suicide. And in spite of numerous documentaries that say that The Beatles' breakup was inevitable, Yoko Ono is still blamed for it.
We are so quick to blame women because we are simply taught to. When tragedy strikes, it's human nature to look for a scapegoat, and women are easy targets for being blamed for everything in a relationship. Even when they've never actually been in a relationship with the said man. Even when they're the victims.
Both men and women are conditioned into thinking that it's the woman's job to keep their partners in check, to fix them and make them whole. When men fall, naturally, it's their partner's fault.
When a man cheats on his wife, quite often the reaction is: "What was she doing wrong?" It's a question women have been conditioned ask themselves. In Beyoncé's song "Love Drought" from the legendary Lemonade, she sings:
Tell me, what did I do wrong?
Feel like that question has been posed...
Tell me, what did I do wrong?
Oh, already asked that, my bad
And this mentality isn't limited to celebrity relationships; when serial murderer and rapist Joseph James DeAngelo was caught earlier this year, publications like The Daily Mail and NBC News were quick to link his actions to how his ex-fiancée broke his heart. (Never mind that millions of people get their hearts broken every day without going on a murder and rape rampage.)
It's 2018, and it's high time that we stop blaming women for their partners' toxic behaviour. But until we stop holding women accountable for their partners' mental health, this trend probably won't change any time soon.
What do you think about women being blamed for everything in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below.