'I Hate Being Dependent on My Husband for Money'

Transitioning from having a full-time job to being a stay-at-home mother is difficult. Though you don’t have to deal with the stresses that come with a regular 9-5 job, you have a different set of responsibilities and expectations. And when it comes to finances, less independence.

One theAsianparent Community user asked the community about this lack of financial independence.

All of the mothers in the theAsianparent Community community sympathized with Mikaela.

However, some mothers, like Yuna L., still don’t ask their husbands for money. “Being so used to earning my own income and having a lot of spending power, I do feel sad about the state of my finances, but never enough to ask from my partner,” she says. “Since he is paying for all the big bills for now, even if I have difficulties with my own expenses, I will not and have not asked him—I find a way out (usually through freelance work or part-time work). Not because he won't help or anything like that, more because of my ego and pride.”

Taking a part-time job

Most of them talked about having a part-time job or online business so that they can buy things for themselves or supplement the family income. “You should take up some work-from-home options or some online business and it will boost your confidence and keep you happy,” Shruti B. advised.

Some moms do freelance work or keep a business on the side, but still find that they have to ask their husbands for money. “I have to stop working to take care of my baby, I have an online store and online job,” wrote Jonalyn M. “But income is not on a regular basis like when I used to work in the office, plus it's not that much, just enough for groceries.”

On being given an allowance

Charm S.B. talked about how her former boss used to give a portion of his salary to his wife as an “allowance” for taking care of the kids. “His wife's allowance is none of his business anymore,” she explained. “She can spend it wherever she wants and she can even give it to her family because it's her own money according to my boss. From that money, his wife is also able to save to buy gifts for them during special occasions.”

But some women are uncomfortable with an allowance. “My husband gives me an amount which I can choose to spend or not,” said Faye C. “But I still have those same thoughts. Sometimes I deprive myself of what I really want because I’m ashamed to spend money that I didn’t earn.”

Being a full-time mother is a job

What mothers need to remember is that by staying home and taking care of the kids, they are making an extremely valuable contribution to the household. And so, stay-at-home mothers shouldn’t feel guilty for asking for money or ashamed for receiving an allowance.

Having a part-time job is good if it brings you joy and fulfilment. But you shouldn’t take one because you feel ashamed for not pulling your weight at home. As a full-time mother, you are doing the most important job: raising your children.

“I would say you're blessed to have a husband that provides for his family,” Ashley A. responded. “I guess he just wanted to fulfil his job for your family. Confinement is really hard for a working mom at first but once you get the hang of it you’d realize it's more fulfilling seeing your little ones grow.”