Trigger Warning: Self-Harm
Navigating the uncharted waters of explaining a parent’s death, especially by suicide, to young children is an emotionally charged and complex challenge. The goal is to approach the subject with compassion, honesty, and age-appropriate language while safeguarding their emotional well-being.
Honesty and Age-Appropriate Communication
Experts recommend being truthful about the cause of death while considering a child’s developmental stage. For young children:
- For a 7-Year-Old: Use clear, simple terms to explain that their parent had an illness in their mind, which made it very hard for them to feel better. Avoid graphic details but emphasise that the parent loved them deeply. Reassure them it wasn’t their fault and that nothing they did could have prevented it.
- For a 3-Year-Old: Explain that their parent’s body stopped working and they can’t be with them anymore. At this age, children may not fully grasp the permanence of death and might ask the same questions repeatedly. Consistent, gentle answers help build understanding over time.
Image from iStock
Answering Their Questions
Children are naturally curious and may ask why or how their parent died. Follow these principles:
- Answer only what they ask.
- Use simple, non-technical language. For example, say, “Sometimes people feel very sad and don’t know how to ask for help.”
- Avoid overwhelming them with too much information at once.
Attending the Wake or Funeral
Including children in rituals like wakes or funerals can help them process grief and gain closure. If you decide to bring them:
- Viewing the Body: Request a closed casket to preserve positive memories.
- Participation: Encourage them to express their emotions by drawing pictures, writing notes, or bringing a small keepsake to the service.
Prepare them beforehand by explaining what they’ll see and do, and let them decide how involved they want to be.
Balancing Protection and Truth
Choosing whether to disclose the cause of death immediately or delay it is deeply personal. Some parents opt to wait until their children are older and better equipped to process the information with the help of a counselor. If you choose this route, prepare for future discussions with honesty, framed in an age-appropriate manner.
Providing Long-Term Support
Grief is a journey, not a destination. Continuing psychological support is crucial:
- Maintain your daughter’s therapy sessions and monitor your son’s emotional health.
- Reinforce that their parent’s death was not their fault, and they are safe, loved, and cared for.
- Keep routines consistent to provide a sense of stability during this turbulent time.
Image from iStock
Teaching Resilience and Embracing Life
One mother shared a beautiful perspective: train children to say “yes” to life. Frame everyday decisions positively, teaching them to embrace learning, health, and connection. This mindset fosters resilience, preparing them to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.
Caring for Yourself
As you guide your children through their grief, don’t forget to care for yourself. Seek therapy or join a support group to process your own emotions. Your strength and well-being are vital for supporting your kids during this difficult time.
Closing Thoughts
There’s no perfect way to handle this, but love, honesty, and support will guide you through. Remember, you are not alone, lean on your community, professionals, and loved ones for help. You’re doing the best you can in an unimaginably hard situation, and that is enough.
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