Communication is crucial for any and every relationship. While our choice of words or method of communication may relay the messages we intend, they may occasionally be perceived as harsh or critical. These communication hacks may come in handy and might even open up more doors for you in the workplace or love life!
When angry
Instead of reacting emotionally, start the conversation by asking ‘What happened?’, using a gentle tone. This conveys the message that you are concerned about the welfare of the person rather than your own.
A good rule of thumb would be to avoid criticism, as it would only add fuel to the fire. If there is a valid negative point to bring up, shelve it till the negative emotions have blown over.
When saying ‘I’m sorry’
Apologising is difficult for most of us, which explains why we normally pair it excuses. This is not to say that you can’t justify your cause but there is a better way to do so than to include ‘but’ in your apology.
“I’m sorry but I did my best” versus “I’m sorry. I did my best.”
The latter is more likely to be seen as a gesture of reparation and less of a weak apology attempt filled with excuses. It also makes it easier to move forward and work on solving a problem.
When listening
We have all been perpetrators of jumping to conclusions and that’s the culprit for many communication issues.
“Yeah, you’ve told me that before” should be avoided when the other party has not finished what they want to tell you. A phrase like that would suggest that you are bored or that the information they want to share with you is unimportant.
To say, “Yes, I remember this” demonstrates that you care enough to remember what was previously discussed and also provides affirmation to the speaker.
Three more tips on the next page. Click on next!
When emailing
It’s all too familiar. You receive an email and can’t help but feel that the sender is displeased with you. The tone of the note might seem to be demanding, sarcastic or rude. Why?
Daniel Goleman, the author of Social Intelligence, suggests that humans often assume that an email tone is negative even though it’s content is neutral. He attributes this to technology removing many nuances of interpersonal communication, leaving a void that we fill with negativity.
Ending off your emails with a short and positive-sounding phrase like “Thanks, please feel free to let me know if you have other questions!” may seem redundant but can actually make your recipient feel better appreciated.
P.S.: Even if you feel that emotions should be left for informal text messages, they can be helpful for injecting some emotional clarity in work emails.
When trying to make someone feel appreciated
Ask for their opinion or advise on something and you would be pleasantly surprised as to how effective that can be in laying the foundation for a solid relationship!
This subconsciously sends a messages he/she is sharing their opinion because they like you. It’s a mutually beneficial situation that will build respect and likeability for both parties!
There is however a fine line between asking for advice and help. Approaching someone you barely know can appear rude, similar to an acquaintance asking for something from you.
When conversing with a child
Some things are better when written. You might even find yourself enjoying the process of writing; and your child receiving hand-written notes from you! Try writing to your child as if he/she were an adult and encourage them to write back to you in writing or drawing. That could easily make your day!
When your child gets older, you can begin to share their own childhood stories with them. Explain why they love or hate some foods or how they got that scar on their elbow.
Whatever the situation, pause to take a deep breath and think before reacting. Mindful pauses always prove beneficial when emotions threaten to the take the reins. Along with these tips, you’re well on your way to becoming a pleasant conversationalist! J
