It’s fairly normal for children to act out when growing up. Defiance in children is particularly common at toddler and adolescent stage where they often talk back to parents or teachers when they do not agree with something.
With school-going children, defiance is in the form of arguments. But with toddlers, it can transform into a full-blown tantrum.
In most cases, extreme defiance in children stays for about six months before they cool down on their own. However, if your child is acting out too often, there may be a chance he has the oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).
Children with ODD show an established pattern of behaviour problems and it lasts longer too, compared to other children. Your child may want to exert control over a situation often or declare his independence. He might even be more expressive about showing his dislike for a task.
Incidentally, defiance in children can be handled but ODD needs special attention.
What Is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
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A child suffering from ODD displays a consistent pattern of anger or crankiness over a long time. The child may also show combative behaviour and vindictiveness towards the people in authority.
This ‘extreme’ behaviour can create a disturbance in their daily route, activities in school, as well as at home.
ODD can be identified equally in both boys and girls, and typically begins by the age of eight years. However, it can be observed in toddlers too. About two percent of children and 16 percent of teens have ODD, as per estimates.
ODD often overlaps with other behavioural problems in children including attention deficit disorder, learning disabilities, mood disorders that can lead to depression, as well as anxiety.
Some children suffering from ODD can also have conduct disorder that is more serious and involves violent attacks.
What Are The Symptoms Of ODD?
Here are a few symptoms that will be common with children suffering from ODD.
- Low self-esteem
- Excessively arguing with adults, especially with those in authority
- Refusing to comply with rules and requests
- Annoying others or being easily annoyed by other kids
- Refusing to take the blame for his own mistakes
- Having frequent episodes of anger
- Seeking revenge and using profanities too often
- Saying negative and hateful things to other people when angry
- Drugs and alcohol abuse
What Causes ODD?
Some researchers believe that ODD is a result of neurotransmitters that don’t work the right way. This essentially means that the neurotransmitters are unable to communicate with the brain correctly.
Children with ODD also tend to develop other mental complications including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), learning disorders, depression or anxiety.
Other studies suggest that injuries to the areas of the brain could have an effect in causing behaviour problems in children. A history of mental health issues in the family could be a reason for the child to develop ODD.
Defiance In Children: Diagnosing ODD
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If you think your child is being defiant and may have ODD, it’s time you speak to your paediatrician. Your doctor will recommend you to a child psychiatrist or psychologist, who will then conduct different interviews and assessment tests to evaluate your child’s mental health.
These tests include observing the child’s attitude and behaviour, while also interviewing the parents and teachers to understand more about the pattern.
In most cases, children often find it difficult in explaining their problems or understanding what’s going wrong with them.
How To Treat Defiance In Children?
The treatment for ODD will depend on the condition of the child and the severity of the tantrums. Most children need to undergo specific therapies to overcome the disorder. The treatment usually comprises:
Psychotherapy
Psychologists will work with the child and counsel him to develop more effective coping, social and problem-solving skills. This is particularly helpful in the way the child expresses and controls anger.
There’s also cognitive behavioural therapy that aims to reshape the child’s cognitive ability. This, in turn, will help the child gain a new perspective and improve his behaviour.
Family Therapy
The child’s family play a fundamental role in treating him for ODD. That’s why Parent Management Therapy (PMT) works with parents being taught different ways to positively alter the child’s behaviour.
As transactional as it may sound, the therapy requires parents to offer rewards for positive behaviours and punishment for negative behaviours.
Medication
Some psychologists may write medicines for children suffering from ODD. While there aren’t medicines specifically for ODD, doctors may prescribe the same medicines given to patients with ADHD and depression to control impulsive and cranky behaviour.
How Can You Manage Defiance in Children?
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If your child is being defiant but hasn’t shown symptoms of ODD, you can make some changes to ensure his or her behaviour and mental health are in check. Here are five ways how you can manage defiant children.
1. Set realistic expectations
Give tasks to your child that he can achieve at home and feel good about the results. Having a sense of achievement boosts dopamine release that helps you feel good about yourself.
Give your child household chores to do like picking up toys from the floor, arranging his backpack, helping you set the dinner table and more.
2. Look for a pattern
Most children with ODD usually have a pattern that triggers the bad behaviour. You need to identify that pattern.
Is there something that your child does not like to do, or if the tantrum only happens at the dinner table because he does not like the food? Do they get defiant during study time?
You will need to observe their daily schedule for at least a couple of weeks to get a hold of this.
3. Speak to your child with respect
It’s easy to lose your own temperament as a parent if your child has been whining throughout the day. However, for a child suffering from ODD, it may act as a trigger and aggravate the situation more.
Instead, choose to be assertive about the way you speak to them but do not scold them. Be calm in putting your point across, which will only help your child to understand how to deal with such a situation.
4. Talk it out
There’s nothing that can’t be resolved with communication. For children in school that are defiant, parents have the advantage to actually sit with them and talk to them.
This may not be as easy as it looks and will require patience from your end. Maybe you could him them out for some ice cream and when he is calm and feels like in a safe space, you can speak to him about how he feels and what can you change.
5. Compromise when necessary
It’s always a good idea to have ground rules at home. The amount of screen time kids have, study time, playtime, and no phones on the dinner table. These are some of the rules that you must absolutely follow at home. However, this also means that breaking your rules brings consequences.
Your child should be aware of it and cannot undermine your authority at home.
At the same time, you can loosen the puppet strings that keep the home running on occasion. For instance, if your child wants to wear his sports shoes instead of sandals, let him do so.
It’s a good idea to compromise on the little things so you have more control over the bigger things with him.
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Mental health isn’t often talked about, especially in children. That’s why it’s all the more important that you do not take it lightly. For children showing signs of ODD, please speak to a mental health professional for children immediately.
It’s also an uphill task for your child who will find it difficult to make friends and probably lack social skills as well. Your child may feel isolated in school and on the playground due to his behaviour and that only aggravates the situation.
You’ll need to be patient and calm with your child to tackle defiance. A strong support system will help the child overcome ODD and prevent lapses in the future.
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