Children favoritism is a topic that many parents shy away from, yet it’s more common than most would like to admit. While most parents insist they love all their children equally, research suggests that some level of favoritism is inevitable. Whether intentional or not, favouring one child over another can have a lasting impact on family relationships and individual well-being.
What Is Children Favoritism?
Children favoritism happens when a parent treats one child differently from their siblings. This might be seen in the form of giving more affection, spending extra time together, or offering greater privileges. Even if parents don’t realise they are favouring one child, children are incredibly perceptive and often notice even small differences in treatment.
Siblings, by nature, compare themselves to one another. If one child feels they are receiving less attention or affection, resentment can build. On the other hand, the favoured child might feel guilty or pressured to live up to high expectations.
What Causes Children Favoritism?
Parental favoritism is influenced by several factors, some of which may be beyond a parent’s control. Research has identified common patterns that tend to shape favoritism within families:
- Birth Order – First-born children often receive more independence and responsibilities, which can be perceived as favoritism.
- Gender – Studies suggest daughters tend to be favoured more than sons.
- Behaviour and Personality – Parents naturally gravitate towards children who are easier to manage or share similar interests and temperaments.
- Parental Stress – Parents under stress may unconsciously favour the child who demands less from them.
A study from Brigham Young University found that parents tend to favour daughters, possibly because they are perceived as easier to parent. However, the same study also suggests that favouritism is not static and can shift over time based on a child’s behaviour and life circumstances.
How Does Favoritism Affect Children?
The effects of children favoritism can be long-lasting. While a favoured child may seem to have an advantage, both favoured and non-favoured children can suffer in different ways.
Effects on the Favoured Child:
- May feel pressure to maintain high expectations.
- Can experience guilt over the perceived unfairness.
- Might struggle with sibling relationships due to resentment from their siblings.
Effects on the Non-Favoured Child:
- Lower self-esteem and feelings of rejection.
- Increased anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues.
- Greater risk of sibling rivalry and resentment toward family members.
- A sense of being “less than” can persist into adulthood, affecting relationships and career confidence.
Parental favoritism can have serious psychological effects, making it essential for parents to recognise and address it before it becomes a long-term issue.
How to Avoid or Address Children Favoritism
Parents might not always realise when they are playing favourites. However, since children are sensitive to even small differences, it’s important to be aware and take steps to foster fairness and equality. Here are some ways to prevent favoritism from taking hold in your family:
- Listen to Your Child’s Feelings – If a child expresses concern about favoritism, listen without becoming defensive. Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them of their importance.
- Give Each Child Individual Attention – Spending quality one-on-one time with each child can help them feel valued and loved.
- Celebrate Each Child’s Strengths – Instead of comparing siblings, focus on their individual strengths and praise them for their unique qualities.
- Encourage Open Communication – Create an environment where your children feel safe to talk about their concerns, including feelings of favoritism.
- Reflect on Your Parenting – Take a step back and assess whether you are unintentionally favouring one child over another. Being aware is the first step to making a change.
If your child accuses you of favoritism, one helpful approach is to ask, “What makes you feel that way?” This invites open discussion and helps children process their emotions in a constructive way.
Final Thoughts
Children favoritism is a complex issue that can affect family dynamics in ways parents may not immediately realise. While it’s natural to connect differently with each child, ensuring every child feels equally loved and valued is crucial. By practicing fairness, listening to your children, and fostering a supportive environment, parents can create a balanced home where each child knows they are cherished. In the end, every child wants to feel special—and with mindful parenting, they all can.
ALSO READ:
Sibling Rivalry: Debunking Myths and Uncovering the Facts Every Parent Should Know
Do you have a favourite child?
Playing Favourites Or Being A Fair Parent: What Are You Doing?
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