If you catch your partner cheating, is resorting to physical violence the answer?

When someone you love betrays you, the pain can be unimaginable. Not all spurned spouses get to confront their cheating husband’s mistress. But when given the opportunity, each will respond differently. Even if you’re a pacifist, the sting of betrayal can cause you to act out of character. You can try to start a quarrel, or even resort to physical violence. 

Cheating husband’s mistress and wife confront him in public

After 20 years of marriage, one woman in China realised her husband had not been faithful to her. After confronting her cheating husband’s mistress, she began to slap her repeatedly.

In a video clip captured by a bystander, the husband is seen wedging himself between the two women, attempting to shield the “other woman.” Though hurt, the jilted wife soon realises her cheating husband’s mistress had no idea he was already married.

The mistress also slaps the man as the wife then turns all her rage on her philandering spouse. But the husband soon retaliates, hitting her back.

According to the wife, her spouse, with whom she has twin daughters, had always wanted a son. As of this writing, it is unclear whether police managed to intervene.

How would you react when face to face with your cheating husband’s mistress?

Heated confrontations between wives and mistresses caught in the act are no longer new. One furious wife even beat up and threw her husband’s lover off a bridge.  Another incident involved two women teaming up against a woman both their husbands allegedly slept with. They beat her up, stripped her top off, and paraded her around the streets to humiliate her.

In fact, there are so many wives who want to resort to violence when it comes to dealing with their cheating husband’s mistress, that one woman managed to build a business that offers the service. 

But is hurting the one who hurt you the only way to healing? 

Dr. Seth Meyers, a California-based clinical psychologist, writes in Psychology Today that causing a scene is never the answer. 

According to Dr. Meyers, you should never allow yourself to look like the “crazy person.” Why? Because causing a scene distracts from who’s truly “in the wrong.” Hurting the one who cheated paints you as the “villain.”

It’s still best to end a broken relationship with your integrity intact. 

When faced with betrayal, instead of resorting to violence, resolve to do these things instead.

1. Know that you are not at fault

The act of cheating is a choice made by your husband. Regardless of the problems or whatever shortcomings he believes you have, there is no justification for breaking your vow. An unhappy marriage is still bonded by commitment. 

2. Don’t contact the mistress

Being hurt can encourage the need for confrontation, if only to seek closure, or in some cases the gratification that comes with revenge. Though sometimes contacting the mistress can give you the answers you are looking for, most times it does even more damage.

3. Direct your anger properly

While a cheating husband’s mistress is also often aware of the betrayal, some wives pour all their anger out on the woman and not on their cheating husbands. Yes, they both hurt you. But you should focus on the anger you feel towards your husband. 

This anger, however, should not drive you to hurt them or overcome you to the point that you “validate their betrayal.”

4. Don’t “validate” their betrayal

By acting crazy or causing trouble, some cheating husbands can convince themselves that their infidelity is justified. They wanted “someone better,” after all.

Don’t give them this satisfaction.

5. Let go of needing their remorse

Yes, what they did to you was horrible. But they won’t always see that. The sooner you stop hoping they’ll “get it” or apologise, the sooner you can start moving on from the hurt their betrayal caused you.

Who knows, maybe one day they’ll see the error of their ways. But you’ll be long gone, happily living life by then. 

Take the high road even when it hurts. In the future, you will look back and see that controlling your emotions was the first step to true healing.

 

Sources: Psychology Today, The Huffington Post

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