It’s a dilemma and concern that most mums face. “Should I let my child get too close to the maid?”,”Baby too attached to maid, what should I do”, or even, “My baby loves my maid more than me!” These are questions and worries that constantly spring up in our worried, insecure and possessive minds.
Singapore mum, Biddy Low, too received much advice on the issue when she had her daughter Talia.
Friends and wellwishers suggested that, “I should not let her get too close to the helper.”
“Some advice was mild, suggesting that I should be the only one who bathes and cooks for her. Some was more extreme, telling me to teach my kid to order the helper around, so that the baby knows that she is help and not part of the family.”
They helpfully warned her that, if she didn’t follow the advice, “My kid will be closer to the helper than to me, and even worse, call her mama instead of me.”
Now that her daughter is big enough, here is this Singapore mum’s take on the whole issue.
“Baby too attached to maid, what should I do?” Read this Singapore mum’s response
In her Facebook post, Mummy Biddy lists down every little bit of advice she has received about handling maid-child relationships, and lists down what she truly feels about them now. Here is her response in full:
“1. Your child should love only you and your family.”
My child has enough love to give anyone who loves her. And anyone who loves and cares for her is family.
2. What if she calls the helper mama?
She’s a baby. She calls her daddy “mummy” and thinks the wind is alive. It’s not that big of a deal for a toddler to anyhow use words.
I’d take issue if she emancipates herself from me and legally chooses to be adopted by someone else she deems more worthy, but till that happens, I will survive such identification errors.
3. The helper is not family and the child needs to understand that.
I think indoctrinating a toddler with poisonous notions of class, racial and cultural divide in her home is worse than her calling her mama.
I am grateful for the help I am able to get, and I express that gratitude in action. I WANT my baby to regard my housekeeper as family, because during her stay, she is.
4. Your child should only love her mother.
I kinda think the kid needs more than me to form a full life. If anything, I will settle being in the top 10. Ok liao.”
“Talia Talia, I don’t want to give u love that no one else can give. Because I will be gone before u. What then?
What I wish for you, is that you are capable of giving and receiving love greater than what daddy and I can give you. And continue building from the legacy we are creating together.”
Isn’t her response beautiful and heart-warming?
Dear mummies, stop being worried that your baby is too attached to the maid. It shows that she is taking good care of him! You are fortunate that when you are gone, he is in good hands, and that, your child is safe and loved when you are not there.
Be proud of your little one for being able to forge strong relationships with the many adults in his life, be it his parents, siblings, grandparents or the maid. It shows that he’s growing up to be a loving, sociable child!
What house rules do you have for your maids?
Does anyone have maids who leave the house without telling you? Like to just Jalan Jalan?
At what age did your maids stop bathing your kids? Boys especially. Is there a ‘healthy’ age to put a stop to it?