I panicked, remembering the story of a mom who lost her baby to bedsharing — she said she found her baby with blood and mucus flowing from her nose. That when babies suffocate, their capillaries in their nose explode.
Not me. Not my baby. It couldn’t be. She would wake up if I picked her up and changed her diaper, right?
She didn’t. She was as limp as a rag doll.
I remember crying and screaming, no, no, no. I remember my husband rushing into the room, asking me what was wrong …”Abby …” was all I could get out, and pointed … I remember him bellowing in my face that “THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T CO-SLEEP — DCS IS GOING TO TAKE OUR KIDS NOW!!!”
I remember him screaming down the stairs for his mom’s phone, calling 911, attempting CPR. I remember the EMTs coming in and trying before rushing her to the hospital. I remember being talked to, driven to the police station, and being interrogated. I remember the cop taking my shirt for evidence and handing me another to change into. I remember crying until my eyes were swollen, my face was smeared with snot, and my head hurt. I remember asking the officer if I was going to be arrested. I remember being told that she didn’t make it. I remember, but it’s a hazy blur.
I thought I was doing the right thing for my baby. I was reassured by multiple moms in mom groups that it was safe.
Image source: CafeMom
I didn’t think about the dangers, even though I’d been warned, even though I’d been educated by doctors and nurses on safe sleep, even though my husband and I argued almost every night about it.
He’s not my husband anymore.
My other two children have now been adopted by another family.
I lost everything — just because I took that risk.
I ask every mom who reads this who still bedshares, intends to bedshare, or is on the fence between bedsharing and safe sleep — do you REALLY want to take that risk of a very tiny variable killing your baby — a variable you cannot control because you will be ASLEEP? Do you REALLY think you can beat the odds? Are you REALLY that comfortable with the lifelong guilt and grief you will carry?
I wish I hadn’t taken that risk. I wish I’d listened. Please listen to me and don’t let Abby’s death be in vain.
~ RIP Abigail Brooklynn Hensley … fly high baby girl. 11/10/16 – 01/21/17 ~
This article was first published on CafeMom and was republished on theAsianparent with their permission.