Steve Wiens is a father of three boys, all of whom are ages five and below. After trying for a baby for several difficult years and having his hopes dashed time and again, he is thankful that he is now finally a parent.
Like all dads, he loves his sons dearly. In his Huffington Post article, he recounted the little and silly things they do that make him feel warm and fuzzy inside, such as his son pretending to have a beard like his with a washcloth placed over his chin and cheeks.
He added, “There are many moments when they are utterly delightful.”
The anguish of dealing with your children
A father in distress
In his Huffington Post account, Wiens admitted that being a parent is not all rainbows and butterflies. There are many occasions when his sons drove him berserk, screaming, demanding and fighting, just to name a few of the familiar.
Like any other parent, Wiens was told to remember to enjoy every moment of his sons’ childhood phase, because “they grow up so fast!”
But he disagrees. He simply could not find every moment spent with his sons a gift, because not every moment is enjoyable.
Stop lying to yourself
If you describe yourself as a happy parent, you are probably bluffing yourself, as well as the people around you.
Like Wiens, putting up with your children’s nonsense is never fine and dandy. You are likely to feel the misery of parenthood, once in a while… Okay, who are we kidding? You have felt so much anger so many times it is a miracle you still have hair on your scalp.
You are not a terrible parent if you cannot cope
You are not a terrible parent, you are a person
Parents tend to blame themselves for many reasons. Wiens mentioned a few sentiments that any parent would be likely to feel. Here are five of them:
1. Don’t feel like a terrible parent if you cannot make your child eat healthy
2. You’re not a terrible parent if you yell at your children
3. If you cannot make them behave, this doesn’t mean you are horrible or a terrible parent
4. You are not a terrible parent if you prefer going to work at times
5. You shouldn’t be the one to always take the blame and feel like a terrible parent if they make you want to drink yourself silly
So stop beating yourself up. You are only human. You are permitted to feel tired and useless at times.
Put yourself first
The more stressed you are, the more your children will act out. So remember to take care of yourself, as well as your children.
Learn more about the importance of self-care
8 tips to cope
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1. Steal some “me” time, even if that means taking time off that never-ending list of errands.
2. Do not tire yourself. The more fatigued you are, the more stress you accumulate. Your mental health is just as important.
3. Share your caregiving duties. If you cannot cope alone, and your spouse is too busy at work, ask your parents, ask a friend—for a helping hand.
4. Talk to someone. If parenting advice is starting to get old, try a counselor. It’s time to let your shrink do the thinking.
5. Organise your time. You will be surprised at how much time you can save just by writing all your duties down in a systematic manner.
6. Lead by example. If you demand that your child eat healthy, then practice what you preach as well. It may just be the solution to ingraining in your child the importance of a healthy lifestyle.
7. Exercise and eat well. These are always the surest ways to keep you energised every single day. Try yoga.
8. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Have some “play” time with your spouse and make sure you still keep your marriage alive and kicking.
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