It's not uncommon to hear women dismissing men as the feelingless gender. But just because men are generally more guarded with matters of the heart, it doesn't mean that they don't feel. So it being the Father's Day season and all, we thought it'd be nice to find out some of the things that our Singaporean dads really want their wives to know.
We asked around and turns out, they are pretty good at expressing themselves actually. They just choose not to most of the time. Not that they want to play mind games with you beautiful ladies though. It's just 'a guy thing' as some of them put it.
Any idea what are some things that dads really want their wives to know?
1. Grab my butt when you think the kids aren't looking
This Dad's reply was so moving that we decided to quote him in verbatim. Here goes:
Things that a husband can't and won't tell his wife but wishes he could:
"You love the children more than me. You know that. I know you know that. You should. If you're as clever as I suspect you are, you know I know that. The trick is in not making this new arrangement in affection so obvious all the time.
You would still like to feel desirable, desired and my first priority. I will set time aside for a dinner date and provide flowers when you most need and least expect it. I will slip my arm possessively around your waist and constantly remind our children never to be disrespectful to you because 'I loved her long before I ever loved you'.
Go out for that dinner date with your man every now and then says this Dad.
All I ask is a periodic pretence that I still come first in your life. It doesn't have to be a dramatic action like the 'Sinking Ship' scenario that our parents used to torture us with (I'd save the kids over you, if that makes you feel better).
Every now and then, tell the kids about what a great husband I am. Remind them that there will be nights when you're going to want to go out with me - only me. Grab my butt now and then, whenever you think the kids aren't watching."
Who says chivalry is dead?
And I'm sure, just like him, many dads really want their wives to know that they are a tad bit jealous of all your attention going to the little beings. But heaven forbid that they admit that, because you know, men.
So mums, give your man some time that belongs only to him won't you?
2. A little bit of space but not to paint the town red
This dad makes a humble request for a little bit of a breather.
"A man needs a bit of space."
Don't worry, he's not talking about space to paint the town red with his mates.
"Men just need space to exercise, chill, relax and catchup with our friends once in a while. We have given all of ourselves to you, but we can't be there 24/7."
This is possibly one of the most common things that men really want their wives to know. They need some time to unwind, rejuvenate and re-energise themselves. Mums, please don't hold it against your man if he wants to go for a jog after a stressful day.
3. Laugh at my jokes even when they get stale
I'm sure we've all heard of dad jokes. Now here's the thing - men really want their wives to know that they take pride in their jokes. And they do find them funny. So this dad wants to tell his wife this:
When you laugh at his jokes, or even pretend to, it makes him happy says this Dad.
"You make me happy when you pretend to laugh at jokes I am sure I have told you before."
Didn't I tell you how important their jokes are to them? They are fine with you even pretending to laugh.
4. A lazy day, please?
No, it's not a man's prerogative to sit back and relax while his wife does all the work. Our dads really want their wives to know that they are aware of this. And in the case of this dad, when his wife does her share of it, it's like a treat. And he appreciates that.
"I appreciate her occasionally going into cleaning house mode so that I can slack off cleaning once in a while."
It's pretty easy to make a man happy isn't it? So mums, if you have some kind of arrangement that your man does the cleaning while you cook, or look after the kids, it won't hurt to switch things around a little bit. Make it a point to give him an off day or two when it comes to his share of chores. It really goes a long way!
5. You can leave the lights on
If there's one thing that dads really want their wives to know, it's that they still find you attractive after you've had kids.
"My wife is always complaining about her stretch marks and muffin top. She no longer feels comfortable being naked around me and only wants to do the deed in the dark. Many of my buddies are facing the same issues with their wives."
"Yes there are some jerks who go after other women. But that can happen even if you look like a supermodel. We really don't care about these flaws that you claim to have, in fact we don't even notice them. It only turns us off when you keep drawing our attention to your insecurities and refuse to let us enjoy our sexy time.
We always find you beautiful and sexy, so don't feel insecure about your body, says this Dad
We find your confidence sexy. More than anything else we find it sexy when you see sex as something fun and spontaneous. If you want to dress up and excite us, be our guest. We love it when you do that. But even when you think you look like a mad woman, screaming at the kids and with your hair in a mess, we still get turned on."
So mums, to put this as simply as possible - don't think too much when it comes to sex. Just enjoy it.
6. The kids do come first, and that's why we need a break
Most of the time you hear men complaining that it became all about the kids for their wives. Well, there are some dads who really want their wives to know that the kids come first for both parties and that can get tiring. Here's what this dad has to say:
"Well, for one, kids become more important than the wife once they are born."
Not something you commonly hear from men is it? He goes on to say,
"They take precedence over the wife for sure. Priorities include heading home to see the kids and partying less. It also means taking the kids on holidays which sometimes makes the wife wonder why the holiday can't be just for the two of us. I don't blame her, because she takes care of them 24/7. So heading for a holiday alone is a much-needed break for her."
Don't feel bad about wanting to go on a holiday without the kids, you need it, says this Dad.
Yup, an honest answer. And it's true isn't it? So mums, if you want to go on that holiday alone, you really don't have to feel bad about it.
7. We don't always want a solution
It seems like a pretty normal thing to do to respond when someone is talking, yes? Well, not always. This dad says that there is something that dads really want their wives to know but find it difficult to get them to understand.
"Sometimes we have a bad day and we really just want to get it off our chest. We want to complain, the same way you do. People drive us crazy at work and we just need to rant. When we rant to you, we aren't looking for solutions, just a bit of empathy and tender loving care."
Well ladies, at times we can just spare them the lecture or our in-depth analysis of why and how they landed themselves in the situation they are complaining about. Nod your head, smile, give him a hug or a can of beer.
The last thing you should say is, I told you so. Trust me, no one wants to hear that!
8. I get brain fried at times
This dad brings up an interesting point about the growing expectations of men in this day and age.
"There are higher expectations of new age men. We must excel in our career and when we get home, we must co-own the responsibility of taking care of the children. And we must appear fresh every day. At times, when the man is exhausted, he is really brain fried."
I'm sure many dads really want their wives to know that if you don't find them looking their best around you, or if they don't particularly appear enthusiastic about what you're saying, or if they don't say anything at all at times, don't get offended. It doesn't mean they are no longer into you. Most of the time it simply means they are tired.
Mums, especially if you've just had a baby, do remember that dads don't have the same maternal instincts as you do. It can be a tad bit overwhelming for them.
It's not that I don't want to look fresh and energetic. I'm just exhausted - says this Dad.
And they have to deal with no longer being the centre of your universe. I'm sure they miss that, so go easy on them.
9. I'm your biggest baby, don't you forget that
On behalf of men everywhere, this dad says that if there's one thing that dads really want their wives to know, it is that they need to be taken care of.
"You know how you take care of the kids? Yes, please do some, in fact, a lot of that for me. Look out for me, believe in me, comfort me, recognise that I have needs too. Ask me how my day was, celebrate my victories however small they are and give me a hug in times that I feel like a failure.
I love how you stick a note on our son's lunchbox every morning, telling him how much you love him and how wonderful he is. What makes you think I don't need that? He's your baby, I'm sure. But I was your baby first, I still am and always will be. I'm your biggest baby. Don't you forget that.
I don't think we need to explain this any further do we?
So mums, you heard it from the horse's mouth. Now that you know some of the things that dads really want their wives to know, you know what to do, or not to do this Father's Day and every other day.
All of us here at The Asian Parent would like to take this opportunity to wish all the wonderful daddies a Happy Father's Day!