How to tell your kids that you are getting divorced

How to tell your kids about the divorce

Acknowledging to yourself that your marriage has failed is tough. But it is extremely hard to inform your children about it. If you are prepared to break the news, make sure that all your children are present and you’ll speak to them in a calm matter. If you are utterly clueless as to what to do, here are 7 ways to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce:

1. ) Make sure it’s really over

Before you begin searching for ways to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce, you should make sure that your divorce is indeed final. You might have uttered the word divorce during a huge fight with your spouse but unless the divorce papers are drawn, don’t tell your children just yet. While some parents don’t tell their kids about the failed marriage until it has legally ended, you might want to relay the news to your children once the legal proceedings had started.

2.) Choose an appropriate timing

There may be a lot of ways to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce but make sure that you time the announcement properly. Never break out the news before a significant event on your child’s life like a birthday, graduation, or major exam. If one of your children is physically or mentally ill, it might be best to consult a doctor first.

3.) Relay the news together (if you can)

Children don’t take divorces lightly so make sure that you and your spouse are present when telling them about it. Sharing the news together is one of the most effective ways to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce as it depicts uniformity on the decision to part ways.

4.) Don’t blame your spouse

One of the ways to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce is to tell them that you or your spouse isn’t to blame. Do not say anything bad about one another to avoid making your children feel resentful or bitter towards their other parent. Even if your spouse has committed adultery or abuse, your children don’t have to know about it.

You can try to say something like "Mummy and Daddy have grown up issues with each other. And these issues cannot be fixed. We have decided not to be married to each other anymore, but we still love you very much. While some things may change because of this, there are some things that will never change. Your mummy will always be your mummy and your daddy will always be your daddy - and we will always love you, no matter what."

5.) Stay calm

It is very important to stay calm and collected when relaying the news. Never let your fear or anger get the best of you. Do not cry. Maintain a strong front as to let your kids know that you are okay. If you appear weak or broken up, your kids will feel even worse about the divorce.

6.) Give your child time to process it

Take time to talk and listen to your kid's concerns. Ask, "How are you feeling?" If he can't tell you, give him some colour pencils and paper and ask, "Can you draw a picture that shows how you feel?"

7.) Reassure them that it is not their fault

The most important thing is to tell them that they are not at fault. Assure your child that a divorce is a grown-up issue and they did nothing to cause the divorce. Constant assurance of both parents’ love and devotion for them (even after the divorce) is oftentimes the only thing that makes children calm down.

Written by

Karen Mira

Divorce