6 tips for parenting through divorce

When marriages end in divorce the children will be invariably affected. While it is tough to figure out the legalities and decision-making, here’s how to make the adjustment easier for both parents and children.

1. Dos: Watch out for signs of change in your children

Young children may suddenly become resentful, aggressive and don’t want to be around you and your ex. Older children and teenagers may exhibit signs of rebellion, and start using drugs and alcohol. How you break the bad news to your children may affect their behaviour.

2. Dos: Tell your children about your divorce together

Find a suitable time and place with your children (preferably not in public) to break the news of the divorce. This emphasises that the divorce is a decision between you and your ex and that your children have nothing to do with it.

3. Dos: Talk about future arrangements

It may be hard to think about the future during a divorce but make the effort for your children. Discuss new living arrangements and assure your children by saying that you will be there for them.

4. Don’ts: Bad mouth your ex in front of the children

If you insult and make disparaging remarks about your ex to your children it is very upsetting for them. This is because children naturally still love both parents. If you cannot say anything positive about your ex in front of the children, then it’s better to not say anything at all.

5. Don’ts: Depend on your children for support

Loading your feelings onto your children may be convenient but please try to not to burden your children. Look to your adult friends and family member for emotional support during this tough time.

6. Don’ts: Use your children as go-betweens and spies

Don’t pass information through your child and don’t use them to spy on your ex. If you want to communicate with your ex, directly contact him or her. When children are stuck in the middle they will have conflicting loyalties. Putting them in the middle by having to relay information means that, most likely, they are going to upset one or both parents. How you and your ex approach the divorce can help your children through this difficult time. Adults may be separated, but in a child’s mind, he or she will always think of them as their parents, even when they have separated.

Written by

Felicia Chin

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