In a tragedy in Melbourne, a family lost their infant son to a deliberate attack by a motorist. Their two-year-old daughter is in a stable condition. According to this report, while paying a tribute to their 3-month-old boy, parents Matthew and Natwar Bryant said, that he was a loving, happy and ‘perfect little baby’.
The person responsible for the murder has been charged with five murders over the incident which claimed the lives of four other victims, as per this report. While the little boy Zachary lost his precious life at such a tender age, his sister Zara is in a stable condition.
Many mourners attended a public vigil in Melbourne to express their condolences and support following such an unimaginable action. However, coping with a tragedy of this intensity requires much more than that. The grief is unfathomable. Coping with the loss of a child is quite a sensitive issues. Now imagine being there with a sibling one minute, and the next minute he has left you forever. So how do you help a child cope with the loss of his sibling?
The death of a sibling or even a cousin can be quite a painful and insecure time for children. Tricky and mighty sensitive, you must tread carefully while dealing with a child who has just lost a sibling. Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Honesty is the best policy: Avoid beating around the bush. It’s painful, alright! However, be as straight as is possible. It does’ matter how young the child is, he will never benefit from a lie. Address the issue and talk about the loss, especially so if it’s a sudden loss. They will have many questions about the sudden vacuum that only a sibling could have filled. Inform them in appropriate terms about the death and expect a barrage of questions.
- Don’t rush him: Grief is a relative term and grieving is not a comparable process. You may take longer than your spouse to get used to the loss. Your child may take longer or may understand and move on faster. Respect his pace. If he doesn’t want to talk about it immediately. That’s fine. Some may want to discuss it before they accept it. That’s fine too.
- Follow Your Child's Pace: If talking about it helped you, don’t assume it will help your child as well. he may have a different coping mechanism. Don’t force him tot talk about his feelings. The point is to be available for him when he needs you. He may just want to talk about the things he misses bout his sibling. He may just talk about feeling lonely. Be there for him.
- Expect a deluge of emotions: He may feel angry that his sibling is no more. He may feel deprived of the fun time he has had with the sibling. He may even feel guilty for having been ‘mean’ to the sibling. This is where, as parents, we must step in. Explain that these are a normal part of any sibling interaction and what he said or did wasn’t out of genuine spite.
- Celebrate memories: Remember and celebrate the memories of the sibling who passed away. See if your child wants to participate in doing something special on his birth or death anniversary. Let there be positive memories for your child to cherish.
- Seek help yourself: Only a parent who is coping in a healthy manner can help a child cope with his loss. If you feel helpless and emotionally gutted by the tragedy, seek professional help for yourself. There are grief counsellors who help you sail through such difficult times. Express your feelings to a near one, vent out your emotions and good care of yourself, to come to the aid of your child coping with the grief of a deceased sibling.
There is no replacement for a deceased loved one, and hence there is no question of getting over this loss. However, getting used to this vacuum in a healthy manner is essential for the family's overall well-being.
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